changedx (-changed--x)

I am a human being with emotions. I am sometimes referred to as the "emo" type. Why? Because I write about my feelings. I dress of how I am feeling. I look like how I am feeling, and unlike most, I don't usually hide my feelings. Sometimes, I'm feeling "gay", or happy, so I wear every color and rainbow. Other times, I'm feeling the usual "depressed" feeling, so I wear blacks, grays, reds, whites, band shirts, all kinds of dark colors, or a mixture of all. I am an unfortunate victim of depression, so I tend to randomly have my moments of short-worded answers, straight-faced expression, not very humorous (like I usually am), or just flat-out boring. If I come off as any of these, or all together, then I usually don't want to talk, I'm thinking, or I am just depressed, or once again, a mixture of all of those combined. If I don't want to talk, please don't keep asking me "what's wrong" or something similar to that. If I say "bye" that means I'm either pissed off/upset, or I'm waiting for you to not let me go. Tell me "don't go" or "I love you" or something like that because that will stop me (temporarily) or that will catch my attention. Tell me how much I mean to you because that's what usually brings me down. I feel worthless, valueless, vain, and pathetic. Like I do not mean anything to anyone, nor should people care about me at all. No onee should. That's what I believe. I believe no one deserves me. Not someone who is so disgraceful, annoying, depressing, rude, crucial, brutal, and just a terrible person. Most of my friends tell me I'm the opposite, but I guess it's just my depression that deafens me. My depression overcomes their ways of "cheering me up", for their opinions do not matter to me... but I know deep down that they do. When my friends tell me how much I mean to them and how much they love me, it hurts me and makes me feel better at the same time. Have you ever had that "sinking of the heart" feeling before? That's how I feel. That sinking feeling in the pit of my... stomache? No, heart. All my feelings come from my heart, not my stomache. Some people say that they get butterflies in their tummies. For me, I get butterflies in my heart, not my tummy. I know; I'm different, but so is everybody. There is no such thing as "normal", so might as well drop that act. There is no "normal" in the eyes of God, but there is "normal" in the eyes of society. That does not sense. How are these "normal" people considered so, if they are just like you and I? I am a very different person, I admit it, but so is everyone. Those "normal" people are not all the same. They all have different personalities, different bodies, different styles, different interests, different lives. They don't all look the same, but together we are all the same in a way. We all have faces, we all have bodies, we all have souls, we all have feelings... Feelings. Yes, that's it. I am a human being with feelings. Everybody has feelings, don't they? Indeed, they do. I have feelings, and so do you. <--- Hey, that rhymed! Let's put it in a poem. x] Kidding, of course. Yes, indeed, I do kid around at times. I'm not always depressed... or at least, I don't show it. Usually, I'm a humorous, understanding, random, hyper, easy to talk to, down-to-earth, friendly, all around type of lady. Personally-speaking, I am bisexual and have an amazing and beautiful girlfriend. I am fifteen years young, and I have many interests. Some of these interests include: rock music, Skittles, poems, Ramen Noodles, colorful things, fun(ny) people, texting/calling, talking, laughing, making [stupid] jokes, hanging out with friends, taking pictures, making videos (I have a youtube:o), making smiley faces:P, and many other things, in which I cannot recall at the moment. I have a unique way of expressing myself, and to be completely honest, I cry almost everyday. I write poems almost everyday, as well. At least once a week. My poems, for the most part, are related to me somehow. I have written a few poems for other people like: my ex-crush, my friends, and my girlfriend. My poems are pretty deep and meaningful to me. I have been told that they are really good poems; infact, in my eighth grade class, last year, I had written an ode poem called "An Ode Poem on Poems" that had gotten about 11 out of 20 votes of the best poem in the class. I was pretty surprised by that because I never thought I was that good at writing poems (considering I feel I'm not good at anytihng, valueless, and all that jazz), so I was shocked and turning bright red, especially since the guy I really liked was looking at me, smiling, and was proud of me. That was friggin' fantastic [no sarcasm intended]. :] In my opinion, I like to let out my feelings through poems, yet everyone has their own way of showing their feelings. Some prefer cutting, drinking, abusing others, doing drugs, smoking, eating, listening to/making music, journaling/writing, doing hobbies/interests, etc. Have I tried any of those things? Of course. I was curious upon many of those things. I have tried cutting, yet I was too weak and scared to actually bleed but came close to it. I have tried journaling, but I do not do it often because I eventually become bored and get too distracted... Drinking? No. Drugs? Never. Smoking? Absolutely NOT; I HATE cigarettes. Abusing others? Are you CRAZY? I am totally AGAINST abuse of others; it sickens me and pisses me off. Doing hobbies/interests? Poetry is my hobby/interest<3. Listen to/make music? I have written a few songs, but I don't know what sort of instrumental background to have in the song... It's really all just poetry, so far... I listen to music ALL. THEE. TIME. That helps me let out my feelings as well; gotta love songs that you can relate to...and screamo songs to let out your anger. I eat when I'm upset a lot, but I have a fast metabolism, so it isn't a big deal...yet... But other than those things, my main course of letting out my feelings is by writing poems. Without poetry, I'd be dead. Literally. Well, with that side note, I think that will be all... I have nothing left to say... That I can remember. :3 With that being all, I guess this is good-bye. So, farewell, all. I apologize if you fell asleep/I bored you. Byebye<3.