The symptom

This is my lullaby
Explaining why I can't bring myself to socialize
Cause everybody lies and friends are only foes is disguise
Betraying their allies
The goodbyes left my throat dry and my jaw paralyzed
The blood in my veins has solidified
I've capsized, what a surprise
You were hospitalized with an underdeveloped heart and I sympathize
You're the butterfly I euthanized
The phrase I couldn't word just right
I'm the black and white photo bringing out the color of your eyes
The optician trading an eye for an eye so you can read the words I prescribed
But look on the bright side
If it weren't for your arrival I probably would've survived
You specialize in heartbreak and I hope you're satisfied
But how can you justify this
Come and testify to your defense if you're really innocent
Prime suspect of mental side effects
But maybe I've just got a complex and I'm self-conscious
Or maybe the train wreck sprained my neck and now I'm over cautious
Maybe I suspect everyone is defective cause its what I've come to expect
Maybe I just can't connect and question their objectives like I'm the test subject
Like the backrest they all lean against
The party guest they sent to the wrong address
Thanks, I just wasted a Xanax and there goes all my progress
A classic case of a stressed writing process
Lyrics in a new dialect for you too dissect
The list of troubles I confess suggests I'm a mess
But I'm not mad at the world I'm just disappointed in it
Appointed to uphold justice with a heart of forgiveness
But you never would've guessed
That I've just got a new incentive to replenish your commonsense
To commence operation self defense
To warn you about society and it's so called qualities
To inform you of what's come to be without you even noticing
To perform a lobotomy in the form of a lyrical prodigy
Publishing the biography of a nobody
I keep a lot locked away from a lot of people
Cause I'm either a crackpot, whack job, or they're all judgmental
I'm holding my own temple hostage at gunpoint
My wrist trembles and my finger is stiff in the joints
Kidnapped myself to hide from this hell
And I must be camouflaged from god
Cause I sneezed but he never blessed me
Just looked right passed like he didn't even see
Like I'm some sort of iconoclast destroying the scenery
And I shook my distorted head in disbelief
Read the guidebook exporting words of relief
Mistook them for an excuse to run free of the leash
Excuse me for being so brief but you need to see what's beneath the mask of an outcast
Struck by the first stones cast but I'll have the last laugh
I'm the aftermath of walking down the wrong path
The cramps in your calfs
The author of the epitaph on the worlds tombstone post apocalypse
Manuscripts inscribed with perfect penmanship
From the pen at the end of my fingertips
The darkness hits and I'm standing alone in the shadow of the eclipse
Off the cliffs with these relationships and into the abyss
And it's not arrogance I'm just keeping my distance
Like I can't get far enough away from this place
Writing the memoir of long lost trust that can't be regained
Always stepping in public with my guard up and security at the gates
Avoiding eye contact to eliminate the risk of any interaction
Hypocrites in the name of all that's decent
Always got to have the last word or they never quit
Always have to comment and cause a dramatic conflict or they're never content
Singled out cause I didn't fit their schematic
Counterfeit good Sameritans
It must be karma for the unfairness I witnessed but didn't fix
But now I'm here to show you in slow motion there's always an ulterior motive