I wish

I wish I could make you
Remove the blindfold and the rose colored glasses.
So you could see the termites in the Lone Cypress
And the corrosion on the Savanna Bird Girl

I wish I could make you see.
The reflection of my childhood in the pieces
Of the broken mirror,
And the scars it carved.

Maybe if you saw a glimps of
Blood stains on white sheet,
Thighs glued with cum,
A smurk look of satisfaction
And a kiss on the forehead- a token of appreciation.
Maybe you wouldn't complain
About my low self esteem
Nor lack of confidence.
You wouldn't nag me
About my atrocious dress-code
Or the lack of effort.
Maybe you would understand
Why I loath this revolting body.

I wish you could see
The oasis collecting
When day turns to night,
The demented thoughts induced by stillness
And the pain engraved behind my eyelids
So that whenever I close my eyes,
Its always there
Staring back at me.
Maybe then you wouldn't
Say I'm a loner
Or find my thoughtfulness weird.
Maybe you'd understand
The numbness that chokes me,
The paralysis that takes over me
When that file pulls up.

Maybe if I showed you
That my heart is bleeding
That my soul is rotting
You wouldn't judge my foul language
Or look down upon me

Maybe if I teleported your mind
to make love to mine
You would see his hands incinerate my flesh,
His mouth vacuum mine,
His tongue incise me
Maybe then you would understand why
Sitting  alone with you
Sends frost to the bone,
Why I'm allergic to your touch
Turn to stone with your caress.

Its not that I don't love you
Believe me I do.
But you wear his face
Whenever you get close to me.
His odour suffocates me from your cologne,
His breath,his grin, his hands
I relive that day everytime I'm with you.
I wish I could make you see,
I wish I could make you understand
But I can't.  

With this I'm sure you'd understand
My fascination about life extinction,
The lungs refusal to maintain its brewary.
You'd understand my obsession with
The smell of nothingness.
The sound of screaming silence
And the darkness that draps over it.
You would surely understand
My devotion to death.