Thoughts 28

I'm liking my new job
I'm getting exercise
My skin bakes in the sun
The guys I'm working with are great

Haven't written in over a week
I smoked some chronic a couple weeks ago
I got way too high
To the point where nothing made sense
I tried to write then
But everything catered to human living seemed pointless
I felt worthless
Fake
Meaningless
Then I went to sleep

Sometimes when I'm trying to sleep I can feel my dreams dying
I see myself stuck at a dead end job
Never doing what I love
Never achieving what I want
Dying alone
Aren't I just Mr. Fucking Sunshine?

When I'm at work I'm happy
I'm away from everyone that annoys me
I'm away from the cage I call home
I'm away from my worries
I'm away

My wings have atrophied
I've been trying so hard to take off
I feel stuck a lot of times
A beautiful bird with clipped wings kept on display

I've stopped looking for love
I've stopped waiting for change
I've stopped hoping for someone
And in turn, hopefully, they'll start looking for me

I've lost a lot of weight
My cloths don't fit anymore
I'm slowly but surely heading towards my goal

I want to feel comfortable shirtless
Naked
I want to go swimming again
Without shame
Without embarrassment
I don't remember anymore if it's just society that's not okay with the body I have
Or if it's me

Since moving to Nashville I've come to enjoy the outdoors more
We get a lot of wildlife around our house
Deer
Turkeys
Turtles
Lizards
Snakes
Dragon flies
Frogs
The list goes on

I love watching the animals
It's crazy to think that even though we as humans continue to evolve and advance, nature just simply adapts and carries on
One day humans will be gone
And nature won't miss us much
We don't like to admit that to ourselves

I have work at 1:30
I wonder what the day holds for me
I guess there's only one way to find out