deepundergroundpoetry.com
Thinking Out Loud
When the world grows dark
I lie my head down
knowing it's light
where you are
I wonder, do you think of me
when it rains where I am
and the waves rush the shore
the shifting sand browns
yours white with fallen snow
do you think of me
when the roofs of your home
grow colourful with autumn
falling leaves
and mine is just always green
do you think of me
when blooms nod their sleepy heads
on your lush gardens
and the orchids nod
in the heat of May
do you think of me
do you think of me
when you watch
the sunsets in your sky
in the sunrise of my day
just for a minute
will you remember me
when the day comes
to an end
and eternal sleep beckons
will you?
I lie my head down
knowing it's light
where you are
I wonder, do you think of me
when it rains where I am
and the waves rush the shore
the shifting sand browns
yours white with fallen snow
do you think of me
when the roofs of your home
grow colourful with autumn
falling leaves
and mine is just always green
do you think of me
when blooms nod their sleepy heads
on your lush gardens
and the orchids nod
in the heat of May
do you think of me
do you think of me
when you watch
the sunsets in your sky
in the sunrise of my day
just for a minute
will you remember me
when the day comes
to an end
and eternal sleep beckons
will you?
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re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
22nd Mar 2014 5:59pm
Re: Thinking Out Loud
22nd Mar 2014 6:26pm
re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
23rd Mar 2014 1:04am
re: re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
23rd Mar 2014 2:27am
Btw, this ink needs no improvements or corrections.
It's fine the way it is. It irks me when people want to rework my writing. This isn't English class.
So, as is, is the way to go ...
It's fine the way it is. It irks me when people want to rework my writing. This isn't English class.
So, as is, is the way to go ...
0
re: re: re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
23rd Mar 2014 2:13pm
Re: Thinking Out Loud
Anonymous
22nd Mar 2014 8:38pm
Ah, much related feelings I share in this piece, good ink Grace, just one question, I know its not your style, but maybe take the question of the the first stanza "do you think of me" and put it on its own line in the middle of stanzas 1 and 2. Then add a question mark. It is powerful and maybe you wish to give the line more emphasis by making this move. If not, not matter, again good ink.
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re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
23rd Mar 2014 1:06am
Thanks so much sw9618, Wow, yes a better impact I think. I didnt think of that. Reference for future. I will leave this as it is.
Re: Thinking Out Loud
22nd Mar 2014 9:40pm
Is this the opposite of a lover speaking to a love who has moved on to paradise?
The one awaiting in paradise speaking to the loved one who still lives in the confines of time.
enjoyed the beauty of distant Love,
Guessing Out Loud R.T.
The one awaiting in paradise speaking to the loved one who still lives in the confines of time.
enjoyed the beauty of distant Love,
Guessing Out Loud R.T.
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re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
23rd Mar 2014 1:08am
It can be that too, R.T.:) I am so glad you see it like that. Mine was quite simple really, just a person in the tropics thinking about another in the temperate land. Thanks for reading and commenting...so kind of you.
Re: Thinking Out Loud
23rd Mar 2014 4:44am
Great form and beautifully written.I wouldn't change nothing.Thank you for the read!
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re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
23rd Mar 2014 4:50am
Hi Pleasure, thank you so much for dropping by and commenting. such Kind words!:)
Re: Thinking Out Loud
24th Mar 2014 10:45am
re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
24th Mar 2014 11:19am
Re: Thinking Out Loud
Anonymous
24th Mar 2014 12:23pm
Sounds like a lover on the opposite end of the world. Or two lovers in different worlds altogether metaphorically speaking. Great piece!
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re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
1st Apr 2014 1:17pm
Re: Thinking Out Loud
1st Apr 2014 10:21am
re: Re: Thinking Out Loud
1st Apr 2014 1:22pm