Alone

I'm so alone in this world I have no one to depend on but me
Do you know how it feels to have people look at you but they still don't see
I hurt and cry in the inside but I smile through my pain
My memories haunt me to the point where I think I'm no longer sane
My own mother looks at me with disgust then hangs her head in shame
She let that man hurt me so I look at her just the same
I sat and watched my mother in the courthouse as she stood by her husband with pride
She watched  him come in my room and rape me but she still took his side
My mother told me that I was fast and wanted it just as bad as he did
I just looked at her like she was crazy I never wanted my innocence to get taken away I was just a kid
My father the man that was supposed love and protect me hurt me in the worst way
He came in my room and climbed on top of me I can still remember the day
It has been three years since that awful day when my soul died
He is in prison doing 15 years despite how much my mother lied
Some people say that I got my revenge because he's behind bars
But they don't take time to understand me and they are too blind to see my scars
That another man will one day take advantage of me is one of my worst fears
I cry out to my mother at night but she just ignores my tears
I have no one here to help me pick up the pieces to my broken heart
I want to run away so bad but I don't even know where to start
Sometimes I sit and wonder why I even bother to keep on living
Nobody's here to return my love I'm the one that keeps on giving
My father took most of me and my mother took the rest so I have nothing left to give
And because I am damaged goods I no longer want to live
My mother told me to tell her when I'm ready to kill myself so she can give me the pills
She often tells me to hurry up and get it over with so she can use my Insurance policy to pay her bills
Is it really possible to have two parents that don't love you at all
She's the reason I keep on living I refuse to give her the satisfaction of seeing me fall
I have never known a mothers love all I remember is neglection
I have never had a warm embrace or sweet affection
I try to the think of the reasons why a mother to her child could be so cold
But the answers to those questions will forever remain untold
As time passes its getting harder and harder everyday
I can't take it anymore so I'm letting my mother finally have her way
Please don't read this and think that I took the easy way out
saying that it would have got greater later cause that I seriously doubt
I'm starting to have second thoughts but its a little too late
I have already taken the pills so death is my fate
I guess my mother is happy cause about her bills she no longer have to worry
See I wrote this poem so everyone will forever remember me and my story
I want you to read this poem when you're feeling down no matter what you're going through
I want you to read this and be grateful for the life you live cause there's always someone far worse off then you