deepundergroundpoetry.com
The call of the sun
The sun has called for my return,yet I cry spreading my wings
there flightless,fore i am grounded going blind into the distance along
hollow and soiled wonders for my high has a beckoning call
unto the colored sound,addressing that I may not return as if
twice the cumbersome twice the fire shunned me ,as if the sun shall
not reach for me withering in the cold ,mending my wounds in from the rain as
I needed too yell to the sun that my wings are drowning and I can not help
too be scared,yet as I go blind I fend the difference among empty
happiness and beautiful sorrow ,screaming sun please dry up the rain as I plead,
bargaining for my return,you call ,I listen ,still my flight recides long into
a funeral for my diesease I earned as my eyes has weaken upon listless
breaths fueling my burnt sense of direction for home,I am
stranded in a old charm of confession as the sun has called for my return
there flightless,fore i am grounded going blind into the distance along
hollow and soiled wonders for my high has a beckoning call
unto the colored sound,addressing that I may not return as if
twice the cumbersome twice the fire shunned me ,as if the sun shall
not reach for me withering in the cold ,mending my wounds in from the rain as
I needed too yell to the sun that my wings are drowning and I can not help
too be scared,yet as I go blind I fend the difference among empty
happiness and beautiful sorrow ,screaming sun please dry up the rain as I plead,
bargaining for my return,you call ,I listen ,still my flight recides long into
a funeral for my diesease I earned as my eyes has weaken upon listless
breaths fueling my burnt sense of direction for home,I am
stranded in a old charm of confession as the sun has called for my return
Published 7th Mar 2014
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The author encourages honest critique.
7th Mar 2014 3:49am
7th Mar 2014 6:15am
Thanks for reading,where would the improvement need be!!?yet it's written in only 2mins,also written in a simple manner,but if something else works ,I'm up for the help!!
Anonymous
7th Mar 2014 2:12pm
This is an expressive and emotion-filled piece. Well done! Here you will find many form & grammar centered readers and authors. I say write however you want! Pieces that are broken down into stanzas are bit easier to read though, I think.
I also think it is rude to mention needed improvement without suggestions..... Keep writing man, and welcome to DUP. Mike
I also think it is rude to mention needed improvement without suggestions..... Keep writing man, and welcome to DUP. Mike
7th Mar 2014 4:37pm
Thanks,it's that i write in deep undergound without the worry
Of being flagged ,,as I can write anything in two mins,with my style it has to read in expression!!my accolades are two editors choice ,Ed lee music award ,and so on!!!thanks for reading ,!!!
Of being flagged ,,as I can write anything in two mins,with my style it has to read in expression!!my accolades are two editors choice ,Ed lee music award ,and so on!!!thanks for reading ,!!!
