deepundergroundpoetry.com
Impending
I am the moon and the tides.
I am the storm, the battered sea,
raging, raging, until the waters whirl,
deliquesce to droplets, dried in torrid heat…
I am creatures reposed to salty bones,
and I am the undulating desert gorging on them.
I am the Aeolian winds grinding mountains to sand,
blowing away my own dust to bare rock.
I am the tremors, unrelenting shockwaves, collapsing cliffs.
I am the molten lava flows, undermining tectonics.
Beyond the caldera, the release withheld…
The intensity is high, I bleed diamonds…
Shear and tensile cracks throughout,
upwards and downwards;
unpeeling the mantle, liquid substrata, shaken core.
This world is crumbling... I am crumbling.
I am the imploding planet, spinning off axis,
out of orbit planetary collisions, the space flak.
I am the unfathomable supernova, cluster detonation
white nuclear, radioactive fusion.
I am the fading neutron stars, the star dust...
the black hole...
v o i d
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likes 25
reading list entries 11
comments 40
reads 2140
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: Impending
Anonymous
- Edited 6th Mar 2014 9:15pm
6th Mar 2014 9:14pm
<< post removed >>
re: Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 9:16pm
You think this blew up my laptop?.. Could be right, there, Gabriel, ha!
Thank you...
Thank you...
Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 9:23pm
I am electrons, neutrons and hybrid cross gamma rays.
I really like this write.
I really like this write.
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re: Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 10:51pm
Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 9:24pm
The first stanza was a little confusing. "Heat" and "sea" fooled me into thinking there were going to be near-end-rhymes throughout. But considering that and maybe a small overuse of ellipses are my only complaints at all is a good thing! Nice use of personification.
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re: Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 10:53pm
I think you're right about the ellipses, I usually control those, but indulged this time, haha.
Thanks so much for visiting, FlakyPorcupine!
Thanks so much for visiting, FlakyPorcupine!
Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 9:44pm
My mind was blown.
This was just genius writting... Brilliant!
Darker
This was just genius writting... Brilliant!
Darker
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Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 9:44pm
Atakti I love the buildup in this poem then ending with a black hole and then the finality of Void.. masterful inking with love and respect Crim :)
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re: Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 11:47pm
Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 10:42pm
re: Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 11:48pm
The poem blew your thought circuits, huh? Well, thanks for admitting that, made my day!
Thank you...
Thank you...
Re: Impending
6th Mar 2014 11:18pm
Great expression throughout this Atakti. You put those emotions across beautifully.
Wonderful piece. And maybe you had a few more words to omit ellipsis style :)
Wonderful piece. And maybe you had a few more words to omit ellipsis style :)
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Re: Impending
7th Mar 2014 2:23am
Dang Atakti! I read this twice to see if it had the same effect on me, and it did, it wowed me both times.....Xo
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re: Re: Impending
7th Mar 2014 7:00am
Re: Impending
Anonymous
7th Mar 2014 3:21am
Celestial reading! Lifts the reader to the heavens. On my list as well. Epic. Mike
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Re: Impending
7th Mar 2014 7:59am
Powerful words that kept me captivated from start to finish. I am in absolute awe. Can't wait to read more.
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re: Re: Impending
7th Mar 2014 2:18pm
Re: Impending
7th Mar 2014 8:13am
It may be me but I think it works stronger without the "I am (the)" ... stating each line as cold hard fact without self reference could add more gravity.
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re: Re: Impending
7th Mar 2014 2:17pm
Maybe, Lobo, for a different poem. This is very much about me, and something I am going through. I know it doesn't translate as confessional writing, but then this is how I see the inner changes happening in response to my situation.
In other words, you don't get the dirt, but you do get a peek at my soul...
:)
In other words, you don't get the dirt, but you do get a peek at my soul...
:)
Re: Impending
Anonymous
7th Mar 2014 9:23pm
Had the feeling of being lifted and floating way far off to outer space,....
Really love this poem!
Really love this poem!
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re: Re: Impending
7th Mar 2014 11:28pm
Re: Impending
8th Mar 2014 8:39am
Ah Man, I use ellipses ALL OVER the Dam place, its just a thing that am into for whatever reason, hehehe... But, Like this one friend, you might write about cosmic entities an forces better than anyone me knows, well, cept for pink floyd that is, hehehe... : Eddie
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re: Re: Impending
8th Mar 2014 11:58am
It's no secret that the cosmic forces have a strong hold on my writing...
I'm honored by your thoughts, Eddie, thank you.
I'm honored by your thoughts, Eddie, thank you.
Re: Impending
8th Mar 2014 6:37pm
I'm thinking about adding you to my favorite poets on my profile...
right next to Roy Campbell
superb !!!
right next to Roy Campbell
superb !!!
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re: Re: Impending
8th Mar 2014 9:23pm
Oh no, will I bear up under that pressure??
Thank you so much, Cesar, I appreciate it, I really do.
Thank you so much, Cesar, I appreciate it, I really do.
Re: Impending
13th Mar 2014 7:25am
re: Re: Impending
13th Mar 2014 12:49pm
Re: Impending
14th Mar 2014 1:42am
Stunned by imagery - feels like a krishna for an age yet to be lived out of a Gita yet to be written
the all consuming potency/impotency of:
"I am creatures reposed to salty bones,
and I am the undulating desert gorging on them."
is the deafening quiet of a space where no one can hear you scream...
the all consuming potency/impotency of:
"I am creatures reposed to salty bones,
and I am the undulating desert gorging on them."
is the deafening quiet of a space where no one can hear you scream...
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re: Re: Impending
14th Mar 2014 7:00am
I am humbled by your words and on my knees in thanks to the muse who brought me this one, whale.
Thank you.
Thank you.
Re: Impending
This poem is awesome. I can't wait to read more.
"...the space flak" "...the space flak"
"...the space flak" "...the space flak"
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re: Re: Impending
14th Mar 2014 7:24pm
Re: Impending
23rd Apr 2014 11:53am
I missed this one Astral-girl. This write is definitely how I see you bleed and breathe Atakti. Impressive! To the list!
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re: Re: Impending
24th Apr 2014 4:31pm
Honored... I entered it in the DU Finger Jam comp too, so I hope the judges like it.
Thanks for spotting it and coming back.
:)
Thanks for spotting it and coming back.
:)
Re: Impending
14th Oct 2014 00:46am
re: Re: Impending
17th Oct 2014 4:11am
re: re: Re: Impending
23rd Oct 2014 8:22pm
Re: Impending
29th Oct 2014 3:23am
The last three lines are unnecessary. You could capture what they say just by changing the poem's title to "Void". Otherwise, this poem features a brilliant use of adjective, some unexpected and extremely effective, like "reposed" and "undulating" in S2. A lot of great writing, I think, is about a delicate inerplay between adjective and noun.
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