uncontrollable selfishnesd

Sometimes I'm crazy
I'll admit
But right now I'm happy
Yes happy
I hate the moments
It makes me feel hopeless
Like no one will ever love me
But knowing someone can
Makes me selfish
I can't control these
It sucks
It really does
Why love something
That can't control herself
The doctors say I'm crazy but can't help me
I wanna love with a heart unlike mine
When he stares I'm my eyes it hurts
Knowing he loves
He lives
He calls me perfect
But I love he finds the good in me
I love but more
I hate the  selfish parts of life
I hate that part of me
That part I can not control