deepundergroundpoetry.com
Pursuit
The blue wolves of Tibet
pursue me in my sleep
and although I have never
walked upon the sky road
I feel their tread
envious shadows charged with heat
breathe a warning
on my neck
The pack leader howls
throwing back his head
long low notes
chilling tones that pierce the wind
hugging the boundaries of life
never far away
ever certain of my own death
They own the advantage
for whilst I do not know
the reasons for my journey
or even why I am here
their purpose hangs
clearer than the glint
shining from the highest peaks
pursue me in my sleep
and although I have never
walked upon the sky road
I feel their tread
envious shadows charged with heat
breathe a warning
on my neck
The pack leader howls
throwing back his head
long low notes
chilling tones that pierce the wind
hugging the boundaries of life
never far away
ever certain of my own death
They own the advantage
for whilst I do not know
the reasons for my journey
or even why I am here
their purpose hangs
clearer than the glint
shining from the highest peaks
Published 25th Feb 2011
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Anonymous
25th Feb 2011 11:52am
With some nice internal rhyme and lovely images.
In my opinion, this would benefit from some light touch punctuation, specifically in 2 places - to identify the pause between
"I feel their tread(,)
envious shadows charged with heat"
and
"long low notes (-)
chilling tones that pierce the wind".
In my - humble - opinion, though, in fairness you are a more accomplished writer than I..
Steven
In my opinion, this would benefit from some light touch punctuation, specifically in 2 places - to identify the pause between
"I feel their tread(,)
envious shadows charged with heat"
and
"long low notes (-)
chilling tones that pierce the wind".
In my - humble - opinion, though, in fairness you are a more accomplished writer than I..
Steven
25th Feb 2011 3:04pm
Thanks S, P & J for stopping by...
& hey S - you know with me all forms of punctuation are endangered species, my Celtic brother.
I'll happily bite the tail off the last comma & stomp on the semi colon's grave.
So unless I trip over a miracle and catch religion, fraid there's no way I'll be resurrecting full stops in my scribbles
Best ~ Abra
& hey S - you know with me all forms of punctuation are endangered species, my Celtic brother.
I'll happily bite the tail off the last comma & stomp on the semi colon's grave.
So unless I trip over a miracle and catch religion, fraid there's no way I'll be resurrecting full stops in my scribbles
Best ~ Abra
25th Feb 2011 12:05pm
...and death is very close to life there. Well expressed Abra...the wolves can wait a while, we hope...
but like nightmare, imminence of mortality. i smiled, had to. the thousands of ways you swirl your fingers through the language create such vivid images...just, well done. that's all i've got.
