deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Jack o' Lanterns
A quiet glance back at a horizon
on fire - I am the only monster,
this Halloween and every other.
The subtle truth in my exterior
dwarfed by gourd and sickle; this town
finds what I cannot in
sideways glances.
Cross-stitched, branded -
your goddamn sideshow -
the pressing stench of soiled leaves
once red, horizon red,
nothing but the shade
digging my footsteps,
and the drip... swing...
of my new head.
Published 9th Feb 2014
| Edited 10th Feb 2014
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Anonymous
10th Feb 2014 1:25am
I like the theme but if i may suggest few edits..i hope its ok?
A quiet glance back
a horizon on fire
I am the only monster,
Halloween and every other.
//lose the 'and' before this town
//lose 'and' before the drip
It just needs a little tidying up, hope you don't mind my suggestions.
A quiet glance back
a horizon on fire
I am the only monster,
Halloween and every other.
//lose the 'and' before this town
//lose 'and' before the drip
It just needs a little tidying up, hope you don't mind my suggestions.
10th Feb 2014 1:31am
Not at all, I always appreciate critique!
My tendency to add too many "and"s strikes again, haha. The "and" in the second stanza certainly needs to go. As for the last "and", I need it there to introduce the idea after the leaves :)
My tendency to add too many "and"s strikes again, haha. The "and" in the second stanza certainly needs to go. As for the last "and", I need it there to introduce the idea after the leaves :)
Anonymous
10th Feb 2014 1:33am
Cool, i get your point with the last 'and' and i'm glad you think i didn't step the boundaries :)
11th Feb 2014 3:32pm
