Shiver

*blushing*
thanks for your kind words ^^

your poem is wonderful thanks ^^
you're not that old you know!

Beautiful poem..I long for that shiver too..peace Crim :)

heh thank you

I love this little piece of romance.  Well done.  One query:  Should the line "makes my lips longing" be either "long" instead of "longing" or could it be "leaves my lips longing"?

a good question! i don't know to be honest if someone knows what fits best be kind enough so as to let me know!

I think "leaves my lips longing" would be perfect, and in the last stanza, "makes my skin long". just my opinion. beautiful write, opheliac. [:

"Longing" isn't quite grammatically correct in that context. It should be "long," or "leaves" instead of "makes" as Jestalessa suggested. Aside from that, this is a gorgeous poem; your work reads as though it should have been etched on parchment in the middle ages, and discovered and made immortal by adoring modern scholars.

Perfectly put, Jack!  This really is a pleasure to read.
 
You would know better than I so I would ask what about longing there would be incorrect, grammatically?  Also, were you talking abut the first or second one?

I was talking about both, sorry. I should have made that clear.

"You would know better than I so I would ask what about longing there would be incorrect, grammatically?"

Forgive me but I don't know what you mean.

"absence does make my skin longing" would be an incorrect sentence grammatically, whereas "absence does make my skin long" would be correct. it's just the tense that makes "longing" the incorrect word for both stanzas. if i may be so bold as to intrude on the convo...again. [:

Yes, the problem is with the tenses. "Does make my skin long" would be correct, but I think it would kill the intimacy and tension of the piece. "Leaves my skin longing" would be best (IMHO).

oh yes, i was just answering PTM's question on why the "longing" wasn't grammatically correct. i like "leaves" too. [:

Agreed.

Sorry, Ophie.  Great piece, still.

thanks everyone for pointing out my mistakes i really appreciate it! thanks again for your lovely feedback.
i will make the changes right away

Every word flowing from your pen magically weaves me around you. I love your every single dot from your pen...Is this your angel wand Ophie?

heh i guess?
raja you are always so kind about my work.
thanks a million :)

enjoy this a lot

thank you ^.^