deepundergroundpoetry.com
WHISPER
Waiting, quietly, for myself to come in:
A stormy fool dancing inside a bin,
Neglected hope, a broken urn,
I whisper in my ear
Loving self, you’ll be loved in return.
Casting bones amongst the starving
Each chiselled word, a craven carving
Each epithet, an epitaph in stone
I whisper in my ear
Wiser to know than be known.
Straining, chanting to another’s air
A tree, a rope, a falling chair
Last words before the receptive sod
I whisper in my ear
God was you when you were God.
A stormy fool dancing inside a bin,
Neglected hope, a broken urn,
I whisper in my ear
Loving self, you’ll be loved in return.
Casting bones amongst the starving
Each chiselled word, a craven carving
Each epithet, an epitaph in stone
I whisper in my ear
Wiser to know than be known.
Straining, chanting to another’s air
A tree, a rope, a falling chair
Last words before the receptive sod
I whisper in my ear
God was you when you were God.
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likes 14
reading list entries 1
comments 28
reads 974
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: WHISPER
18th Jan 2014 5:54pm
your word play is always incredible whale but...
Casting bones amongst the starving
Each chiselled word, a craven carving
Each epithet, an epitaph in stone
is out of this world.
Casting bones amongst the starving
Each chiselled word, a craven carving
Each epithet, an epitaph in stone
is out of this world.
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re: Re: WHISPER
18th Jan 2014 6:24pm
Re: WHISPER
Anonymous
18th Jan 2014 6:26pm
Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh 'dis ist gut whaler rM
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re: Re: WHISPER
18th Jan 2014 9:00pm
Re: WHISPER
Anonymous
19th Jan 2014 4:43am
This one feels almost like a heavy metal song. The spare, somewhat brutal imagery ("broken urn", "bones", "starving") gives it a vaguely primal, rustic feel, like it's being said by a hermit in a candlelit shack. A little more clarity might be nice, but overall I like this poem. It's morbid and strange, two of my favourite qualities in literature!
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re: Re: WHISPER
19th Jan 2014 3:28pm
Re: WHISPER
19th Jan 2014 6:48am
I feel this to be a poem that contemplates the self, akin to a spiritual belief that God exists within me as I exist within God.
I echo BrownJenkins call for clarity but on third reading, I get the flow ...
I echo BrownJenkins call for clarity but on third reading, I get the flow ...
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re: Re: WHISPER
19th Jan 2014 3:30pm
Re: WHISPER
Anonymous
19th Jan 2014 11:08am
Such tranquil words, resonating the soul...
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re: Re: WHISPER
19th Jan 2014 3:33pm
Re: WHISPER
20th Jan 2014 00:42am
Reall, really nice W. Really nice. Your wordplay and structure right on. Thanks for this Whale.
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Re: WHISPER
20th Jan 2014 6:01pm
re: Re: WHISPER
20th Jan 2014 9:47pm
Re: WHISPER
20th Jan 2014 7:57pm
I love everything about this piece, especially the first stanza.
Great pen Whale.
Great pen Whale.
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re: Re: WHISPER
20th Jan 2014 9:48pm
Re: WHISPER
21st Jan 2014 7:46am
like a near death experience or an attempt at transcending the (this) world
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re: Re: WHISPER
21st Jan 2014 9:16am
Yes our search is beyond this to god to freedom to the other and such transcendence beyond this perception requires a new conception
Re: WHISPER
26th Jan 2014 11:33am
A wonderful symmetry in ideas, balance, sadness, hope... I enjoyed this read, thanks, Whale.
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re: Re: WHISPER
26th Jan 2014 12:17pm
Re: WHISPER
26th Jan 2014 11:39am
the scope of disillusion. when love & wisdom fail, the hanging tree looks very inviting...
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re: Re: WHISPER
26th Jan 2014 12:18pm
Re: WHISPER
Anonymous
29th Jan 2014 7:20pm
Amazing!! I have no words to as what it makes me feel. Kind of like a lost soul feeling. Enjoyed ! :)
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re: Re: WHISPER
29th Jan 2014 10:25pm
Re: WHISPER
6th Feb 2014 11:40pm
:o majestic. the imagery is so charged. This poem is amazing. thank you for writing it.
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re: Re: WHISPER
7th Feb 2014 2:05pm