deepundergroundpoetry.com
TIME
A breath caught as a drop.
Caught as bejewelling dew
on frozen twigs, cold and dead:
what's breath was water was ice.
Melted prayers before rising god.
So it begins. So it ends
So it ends. So it begins.
A hallelujah of drops
frozen for a moment before
drowning in soil
or caught in the geometry
of ice cracked puddles.
An infinity caught in a history
written by that criminal - Time.
Caught as bejewelling dew
on frozen twigs, cold and dead:
what's breath was water was ice.
Melted prayers before rising god.
So it begins. So it ends
So it ends. So it begins.
A hallelujah of drops
frozen for a moment before
drowning in soil
or caught in the geometry
of ice cracked puddles.
An infinity caught in a history
written by that criminal - Time.
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comments 20
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re: TIME
17th Jan 2014 4:16am
a span of time rendered beautifully: thawing of tree branches, once encased in a diamond shell...
1
Re: TIME
17th Jan 2014 6:35am
Drawing us into a cycle, never starting, never ending, yet stealing from us... Yes, time is a criminal.
0
re: Re: TIME
17th Jan 2014 10:28am
Time as a perception of the universe appeared to free us but instead enslaved us - you're understanding as ever Atakti makes earth, a garden...
Re: TIME
Anonymous
17th Jan 2014 3:15pm
dat criminal's doin' hard tyme in super maxx nyce wryte poeit!!!! rM
0
Re: TIME
18th Jan 2014 6:12am
On frozen wings
Stasis of angels
Melted prayers
Gods drowning in soil
Caught in geometry
Ice-cracked puddles
That criminal: Time
Stasis of angels
Melted prayers
Gods drowning in soil
Caught in geometry
Ice-cracked puddles
That criminal: Time
1
re: re: Re: TIME
18th Jan 2014 12:22pm
It was out of gratitude and appreciation for your original poem, which I very much like! :)
1
Re: TIME
18th Jan 2014 2:43pm
caught in the geometry
of ice cracked puddles.
i like it, whale! time the eternal bastard, grows crueler by the hour.
of ice cracked puddles.
i like it, whale! time the eternal bastard, grows crueler by the hour.
1
re: Re: TIME
18th Jan 2014 5:01pm
Re: TIME
Anonymous
18th Jan 2014 3:14pm
Time is about the only thing that reminds us we are mortals.....
1
re: Re: TIME
18th Jan 2014 5:00pm
Re: TIME
18th Jan 2014 6:22pm
Interesting view on capturing how we all live and die and caught in Gods ice called life only to die and the cycle repeats it self
0
re: Re: TIME
18th Jan 2014 6:28pm
yes MHB it is just a view that when shared becomes reality - thanks for stopping by and commenting so thoughtfully its appreciated
Re: TIME
20th Jan 2014 6:03pm
re: Re: TIME
20th Jan 2014 9:34pm
Re: TIME
Anonymous
28th Jan 2014 00:39am
I like the description of time as a criminal, one bolstered by the fact you capitalise "Time", thus personifying it, and the lines about breaths. The imagery in this poem is crisp, clear and subtly powerful. My only complaint is that the poem sometimes reads a bit like bullet points ("this. Then this. Then that" etc.), so maybe more of a narrative would be helpful. Otherwise, I really liked it.
0
re: Re: TIME
28th Jan 2014 8:07am
Thank you BrownJenkin for your honest insight - Time is both litany, petition and indictment - a list against Time