Ledge Letter 2 (Finding You/Finding Myself)

time and time again i see myself go thru our old messages thinking
maybe we're linking together and this is gonna last forever and as my heart again severs i ask "was i drinking?
and if i was, did i have so much a buzz that your words began to touch the inner depths of my soul?"
cause now as i sit here and write these lines thoughts of you flash thru my mind and i know that i no longer have control
but who does then? who is pulling the strings?
there has to be somebody here besides the person i see
in the mirror just hoping the clearer version of things
would show itself cause i still haven't found the courage to leap
off of this ledge that i'm on o how i  wish you were here to help me thru this
and tell me that you love me and say that this is stupid
but.... did you receive my last letter that i sent ya thru the mail to tell ya of my vendetta
to end my life if it could make yours better?
cause whats the reason to live if i was never happy with reality?
im thinking life want to grab my neck and strangling
me until the point of my falling to the laws of gravity
and my soul defies it all but God is the one whos handling
the sentencing and its eternity in flames
added with another eternal lashing just for cursing your name
but even though im alive its still the same as i write this part two
cause in order to find myself i need to find (you.)