Grown Up (Rap Song)

I used to dream of what I'd be when I grew up
Chest out, acting too tough like I knew stuff
I'd be a lawyer a doctor self employer that prospered
Simple success and no stress, too much joy to be bothered
Little boy was too somber, surly, set poised as a scholar
Voice that would falter yet knew to make every choice for a dollar
.....Least that's what I thought, you go to school
Know the rules, before long it's you who control the fools
Swear I knew what I was doing, that delusional illusion
Infusing confusion brain rattled like obtrusive contusions
Life looms in a thousand different directions
Missing intentions, see end goals but only distant connections

Gettin older, can't help but feel I messed up
Gets harder and harder for me to keep my head up
They say hold it together but I get fed up
Pushed to the limit, the problems never let up

As a kid when I pursued my passions
People helped me progress without misconstruing the actions
Now it's more like hey why do you do that here's a few facts
Heard two tracks, they blew bad, way too wack you shouldn't spew raps
Oh that's a love you have? Well you should Go for it
Stash the beast underground leave it in a hole and quit (gopher)
Holy shit, I just do it for fun
Amusement and puns a little letting loose of my tongue
Without abuse of the rum, a minor musical hum
Might think it's useless and dumb but it's soothing to some
Will I get famous? Nope. But does it matter? Nope
Call it catharsis, not like I cling to platinum hopes

Gettin older, can't help but feel I messed up
Gets harder and harder for me to keep my head up
They say hold it together but I get fed up
Pushed to the limit, the problems never let up

Don't know why speak to family maybe once a week
Seems we lack close connections I feel the love is weak
It's cause I don't try enough
Fairly few interests match up so it's kinda rough
Am I grown now? Or just a bad brother
Dad bugger and shitty son to a sad mother?
Promise I could fix it if I had a second time
Yet I make no change, sit here and mess with rhymes
I'm sorry for the many missed milestones
Shoulda brought my smile home instead of just a dial tone
Lyrics are the only way that I know to tell
I love you, even if I don't show it well