the reason

hold me down he says
but who held me down
nobody i realize with a frown
i try to find a lighter crown
i cry silently cause nobody hears
my slow falling tears
they march to an out of tune
melody of melancholy drumming
heartbeats raceing against the inevitable
time doesnt matter and soon my body
so cold my teeth chatters
let loves blood splatters
and silently my heart breaking
cutting away all that i loathe
but then
id have to cut away all of me
finally i see what it is
that makes me unlovable
its just that i need to be
funny how when we lose sight
we see the most tossing and turning
my guts churning more tears burning
like waves in an ocean of emotion
ive been yearning unexplainable
the reasons why are unimportant
excuses like assholes everyone has one
i wish i could evolve past all the fucking hurt
but unfortunately i cant my pain tortures me
taunting me like a laughing crowd
only i can hear and see heckelling me
when did my life become some sick emotional joke
that you relish poking at toying with me from the start
you continue laughing at me callously all of it so easy to fake
im not right and much more i cant take before
the storm brewing inside threatens to take lives
mine yours and hers cant you just believe im not right
its not worth the fight he sys hold me down
right cause you let me down
i guess thats at least some kind of down right    
and he has held me back held me up and yes held me down
to hide what hes ashamed of loving