Ruining my life

Standing on this balcony,
Puffing, Puffing away the only thing I have left,
Reevaluating my agony,
What do I have left?
What have I done to myself,
This cant be good for my health,
Waking up in your bed,
Looking at your head,
Carrying yet another new face that ill never see again,
Because I know this love is only pretend,
And as I descend, down this ladder,
Ill let you pick,
The latter,
Tell your "boys" of the ass you just got,
Or of the ass you've already forgot-ten-men,
I layed with before you,
Something you probably never knew,
Because you dont know me,
You dont know that I try to kill this pain with a strangers touch,
This is something you might call lust,
Something thatll never bring me trust,
But im in no rush, to fall again,
For that face, who kept me safe, and gave me space, never to deface,
Me, the one who ruined it,
Taking that hit, leaving me in the grit, I just need to get this pipe lit!
Im not a misfit,
Shit,
I ruined it,
I just wish you would sit,
Right here beside me,
And lie to me,
Tell me you love me, need me, cant live without me,
The way I do this pipe,
Who ruined my life