Unchartered

Atakti I feel the pain in this write so beautifully expressed.. much love Crim

Thank you for the love, Crim.

:)

heartfelt atakti!

Whatcha gonna do, Dennis?.. Poets bleed ink.

Thanks.

You've created an interesting correlation here between the freedom that is so wilfully expressed in the first stanza, and the desire of captivity expressed in the second stanza. This says a lot about the human condition: "I want freedom to express my love, but I want you to own me". Not sure if this was intentional or not, but that's what was going on in my mind when I read this poem.

Then, in stanza three, we go on to more defamation of the tortured soul with the words "perfect, the torment". There are cries, there are shrieks, there are revelations of keys without ends.

This poem is psychological warfare. I think it's masterful how you have created such realms of fear in so short a space.

Thank you for the read.

Wow, Aud, thanks so much for the in-depth critique. I'm honored you took the time with it, really appreciate it.

Your interpretation is very close to mine, and it is interesting to see you introducing the concept of "want you to own me"... I may have missed a trick there, and it fits...

Thank you for your wonderful comments.

there is only 1 key, & you are holding it. the choice is yours, & that responsibility is frightening. superior work...

That's about it, in a nutshell, John. Thank you!

One foot on the brake, one on the accelerator.....open her up and put the pedal to the metal...tires smoking....

Wwwwwonderful analogy turtle!

:)

(soon)

yepper poet....no this feelin'  full of beanz!rM

Thanks, rm, glad you connected with the words.

('Be careful what you wish for'...perhaps?)

The safety, and security, of a (compromised) belonging, vs. the freedom to completely be your true self....each is a difficult choice...each comes with it's own unique, precious price to pay.

Your remarkable piece truly expresses the emotional aspects of both, my friend.  

Oh, I like your summation of it, Enchantress. Yes, every choice has a price, and humans will always rail against this idea - to no avail, but nonetheless...

Thank you so much for your kind comments.

Hearts bite! Journeys show you who you are. Expressing them helps and you do it so well.
 Jake

Ah, Jake, maybe this poem helps some. Every word brings writers closer to something, even if we don't know where we're headed...

Thank you for reading and your comments.

A very nice mix of literal and symbolic storytelling here. The floating on tears thing is almost like a darkly emotional Alice in Wonderland. My one criticism is that L4 of S2 is much too blunt and corny. Everything is so subtle that it highlights the obviousness of that line. Otherwise, though, great.

The trick is only obvious once the secret compartment is revealed... I will consider if a more subtle trick will convey the idea I want, but that is critical to the central thought.

Thank you very much, Jenkin, for the kind feedback.

I know this one all too well. Beautifully penned.

Peace, Indie

Hi Indie, I'm glad my work holds up to emotional scrutiny, but sorry that you can relate... Thank you for the list add, I am honoured.

Even when you make the decision for freedom, it's painful to let go of the familiar and face whatever might come.

You reach deep with this.

Your summary is spot on, Petit. Those were the ideas I wanted to put down.

Thank you.

Sometimes familiarity is comforting and the only thing we are familiar with, even though we crave for something different and better.
Definitely thought provoking, beautifully crafted!

Thank you Vee, for your comments...

:)

Outstanding!
I concur pretty much with Audeamus take on this piece and with the advice offered by DarkEnchantress. The feeling of drifting into an unknown no longer moored to that sometimes uneasy connection is edge of the abyss stuff. Either choice can be the right one, but Love isn't a $2 lottery...the casualties are many and the price can be steep. Only you hold that key, choose wisely.
Inspiring work Atakti, very much thought provoking..with some tummy butterflies :)

Oh, thank you for the butterflies!

:)

When I got to "I miss the cage I had locked myself in"...the word "institutionalized" came to mind ;)

Sudden freedom can be terrifying. I liken it to sitting outside, alone, in the dark, waiting for that natural, built-in night vision to take effect, i.e., it's only "dark & terrifying" at first. Eventually, you begin to see everything much more clearly. (Well, maybe not EVERYTHING, heh!) Some of the loveliest moments in life are when the unfamiliar becomes a welcome sight...you find that your personal space &  freedom held the key to happiness all along. They key was there, in your pocket, the whole time. It's a wonderful revelation, & it sure beats having to chew off your restraints.

Keep in mind that I'm reading this without reading the other interpretations first, so I might be way off with my interpretive ramblings. I think we get a bit too comfortable sometimes...freedom, wanted or not, always comes to call me home. Maybe I'll settle down someday (& perhaps I'm projecting my own feelings too much here), but it's the wide open places that make me feel at home the most....eventually. It's like a really large cage, maybe...

I'm babbling again. Thank you for making me think...

Well, Butch, I enjoyed your babbling, and pleased to set them off with a poem... Your interpretation adds another layer, and for that I thank you. Where would poets be without their readers?

I'm being spoilt tonight.  Ive read three great pieces so far.    This is beautifully poignant and is particularly skilful in its comfortable flow and strong visuals laid down.   A wonderful write.  Tyvm

Well, thank you syn!

So glad DU is delivering, to poets and readers alike. Wonderful comments.

Such dark deep depths you venture with this poem.

Five perfect sentences, three perfect stanzas, one perfect poem. I felt this piece rumble so profoundly in the depths of my drifting heart.

Thank you so much for sharing this poem, Atakti.

Case, your comments leave me so very humbled...

Thank you, thank you very much.

Thank you for the love, Gabriel...

:)

I thought I had a favourite line for a second there. I was wrong. I love them all. Really very nice Ms. Thank you.

Very kind of you to say so, Twitch. Thank you and welcome to DU!