Get out of bed

I woke up this morning
and just lay in bed.
I thought of what I had to do today....
absolutely nothing.
TRYING to do nothing.
Thinking of things to keep myself
busy and I don't want to.

I was staring off and it
was like I could see myself.
Stand up and walk across the room.
Tears flowed from my eyes
and my knees buckled.

I was screaming, crying,
asking why I do this to myself.
The guilt has over come me now.
My insides are filled up with
hate and my body hurts.

So, I get up out of bed..the real me.
I get my daughters clothes ready.
Her tooth brush with tooth paste
and a pinky pony tail band
wrapped around my fingers as
her hair slips through my hands.
She smiles at me in the mirror
and tears form in my eyes.
Excited every day for what life
is bringing her.

I get my clothes on and walk her
out to the bus.
She holds my hand as we walk
down the drive way.
I see her smiling and waving as the bus
drives off blowing me kisses.
Every morning.

Today I want to curl up into a ball.
And cry until I'm all cried out.