deepundergroundpoetry.com
deep sea diving (kids poem)
I want to go on an adventure
to a place where no one else has been
I want to find treasures
no one else has seen
Today, a submarine will be our home
we’ll stock up on all our favourite foods
and even if it’s raining
the clouds won’t destroy our mood
We’ll go down, down so low
beneath the waves of the ocean
a place so dark we won’t need
sunscreen lotion
We’ll take photos of ships that sank
and creatures with lights on their heads
we’ll watch the deep sea fish swim in silence
and find the long lost reefs mermaids used as beds
Maybe we’ll find the Titanic
still littered with gold and gems
see the bottom of icebergs
shining like rainbows through a crystalline lens
I think I'd like to live here forever
a private world that’s just for us to see
in a world so magical
there’ll be nothing else we need
So let’s pack our bags for an adventure
a place where no one else has been
and journey to a land full of treasures
no one else has ever seen
© Indie Adams 2013
to a place where no one else has been
I want to find treasures
no one else has seen
Today, a submarine will be our home
we’ll stock up on all our favourite foods
and even if it’s raining
the clouds won’t destroy our mood
We’ll go down, down so low
beneath the waves of the ocean
a place so dark we won’t need
sunscreen lotion
We’ll take photos of ships that sank
and creatures with lights on their heads
we’ll watch the deep sea fish swim in silence
and find the long lost reefs mermaids used as beds
Maybe we’ll find the Titanic
still littered with gold and gems
see the bottom of icebergs
shining like rainbows through a crystalline lens
I think I'd like to live here forever
a private world that’s just for us to see
in a world so magical
there’ll be nothing else we need
So let’s pack our bags for an adventure
a place where no one else has been
and journey to a land full of treasures
no one else has ever seen
© Indie Adams 2013
Written by
Indie
(Miss Indie)
Published 17th Nov 2013
| Edited 18th Nov 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 16
reads 1499
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
.
18th Nov 2013 1:33am
I think this would be a very fun poem to read to my kids someday, or even the type of thing to put to a simple tune. My only suggestion would be to take out "We'll pretend" because the entire rest of the poem is worded like it's possible (as in a daydream), but that's about all I can say about it.
1
re: .
18th Nov 2013 1:36am
Thank you very much Mike, that's a good point. I'll fix that up. :D
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
18th Nov 2013 3:59am
re: Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
18th Nov 2013 9:45am
Thank you very much, Radiance. :) I'm glad you enjoyed this. I hope your kids do too.
Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
18th Nov 2013 3:20pm
re: Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
25th Nov 2013 7:51am
Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
18th Nov 2013 4:17pm
What a FAB idea, and a great adventure!
Good work, Indie!
... Is 'crysalline' too fancy for kids? If you cut it, line flows tad smoother...
Good work, Indie!
... Is 'crysalline' too fancy for kids? If you cut it, line flows tad smoother...
0
re: Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
25th Nov 2013 7:52am
Thanks for your input Atakti, I'm glad you like :)
I figure that even if kids don't understand what crystalline is, it still sounds pretty magical x)
Peace, Indie
I figure that even if kids don't understand what crystalline is, it still sounds pretty magical x)
Peace, Indie
Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
19th Nov 2013 00:54am
re: Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
25th Nov 2013 7:50am
Thank you very much souladareatease. I'm glad this piece got in touch with your inner kid :)
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
re: re: Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
25th Nov 2013 2:09pm
I use to tell my Daughter oral tales on a whim when She was little...this made me think of those times...and of course my Youth-sigh...
Your Pen Always flows!!!
Your Pen Always flows!!!
1
Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
Anonymous
19th Nov 2013 6:50pm
The sense of fantasy, adventure and humour here is in keeping with great children's verse, by writers like Lewis Carroll. It's a very sweet and easy-to-read poem which nonetheless has strong, complex images.
1
re: Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
25th Nov 2013 7:53am
Thank you very much for your lovely comment, BrownJ, glad you like. :)
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie
Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
19th Nov 2013 7:54pm
re: Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
21st Nov 2013 9:33pm
...lets pretend....
the kids love to pretend... lots much funner than real...
I vote to have 'lets pretend' re-instated.
Cheers and caree!
the kids love to pretend... lots much funner than real...
I vote to have 'lets pretend' re-instated.
Cheers and caree!
0
re: re: Re: deep sea diving (kids poem)
25th Nov 2013 7:55am
Thank you rabbitquest for your input. I'm going to leave the poem as is for now. Pretending is indeed better than reality, but the whole poem is about a fantasy world, that I don't won't to spoil it by reminding them it's fantasy :)
Peace, Indie
Peace, Indie