My Day

5:09 on a Thursday morning in June,
with a desire to evict the demons soon.
A few hours later seeing Kelly 10:45,
knowing honesty my only vehicle to drive.
With confessing lips and heavy heart,
Seeing I've failed at this from the start.
Telling half truths some would say lies,
Making myself seem better with alibis!
Never stating my true heart's feeling,
worries of being admitted for healing.
Knowing deep inside I have a disorder,
But that truth protected by a warder.

Not sure what will come at 1:15,
Can't hold back need to come clean.
Finally tired of being broken down,
Giving Dr. Amare the true breakdown!
Will he look with utter disappointment?
Will I be glad I made this appointment?
My cycles between highs and lows,
Creating a person nobody knows.

Thoughts of suicide creep into my head,
During the lows sometimes stay in bed.
What about my impulsive actions,
Is it caused by all the distractions?
In my head divided like fractions?
What is the deal with my sudden rage?
It’s like flipping a switch when engaged.

Why do I go from loving to mean,
Like it goes to the opposite extreme!
Nightmares that haunt my sleep,
Sometime I awake and weep.
Running from problems when scared,
Can my broken be repaired?
Or am I destined to stay impaired,
By this disease that's not been declared?
Giving the facts of my irrational behavior,
What will he suggest be my savior?

Knowing my addiction will cause harm,
If I don't submit to the screaming alarm!
Seeing that I continue to keep using,
While my circumstances I am accusing,
But reality is I'm the one bruising,
And my family and friends are losing!
Will highs & lows with meds eliminate?
Or will I have to detox and rehabilitate?