Carly. <3

Erm, okay, on the basis of honesty and critique I am very sorry I feel the need to do this. I think the poem needs a lot of reworking. I disliked 'who wasn't very happy, everyday she felt rather crappy.' What? There's no emotion in there. You can use so much more, achieve so much more. With a subject matter like this be more snappy and to the point, like her life is impending. 'She was messed up in the head but her true self was inside.' Again, what? Her head is inside so what is there another inside? I think you need to reread and decide if this is the best you can create because personally, I think you can do better. Find the darkest person within you and drag her out.

Its okay but i agree with L.A. i dont see any real depth in it. pull out the dark person and be proper honest.

i feel like you've sacrificed true meaning.. just to make it rhyme and i dont think this poem does your emotion any good deeds.

you have shown that you can write.. now its time to jsut write with more passion.

get out there. write your unrestrained heart .

is good but sometimes it steals the essence and imagery in a poem.

The message (theme)is in tact but the poetry can yet be worked on.

I know it's actually a terrible poem, the only reason I put it on here is for my best friend because this is about her :3 the writing is terrible.
But thanks for the honesty :)