"When I Get Bigger"

Guess I got to do it...
pull up my big girl
panties and walk the walk.

Be a big girl for once..
be a good mom...

Fuck the bull shit.
It was fun while it lasted
but I'd rather hold my
daughters hand...
then touch my drug dealers
in passing.

So much fkn easier
said than done though.
I think about it, I miss it.
I do it, and I'm pissed b/c
I did. There's no happy
medium.

Just that feeling rushing over
me. The taste in my mouth.
Makes me want to be SO bad.

But I'm here....

My hands are shaking as I make
a bed time snack and read
"When I Get Bigger" to my
little one. My favorite book when
I was little.

No where in that book though
did I Find "drug addict, mother, liar,
self abuser, fool and broken"
in any of those pages.

Guess I added my own.

I just pray she doesn't.