Dichotomy

From one moment or one day to the next I don't know what my frame of mind will be. I don't know how I'll feel. I don't know if the dreams and desires I've had until that time will be inspirational or will cause despair. I wonder if I'll actually follow through on my current mindset or it will be thrown upon the scrap heap with all of my previous illusions and delusions and ideas of health and wealth and fame and glory. I conceive of brilliant and sometimes not so brilliant plans to improve mine or someone else's life, but before I can see the plans to fruition, I lose drive and become lost in my own mind and emotions. I stand at the brink of insanity and peer over the edge with both longing and dread. I stand there, knees knocking, heart breaking, until something or someone pulls me out of my self-absorbed reverie and I begin to see the light of day again, if only for a brief moment.

From this perspective I begin to see the logic and beauty of life again. I breathe the air and feel cleansed. I look up at the sky and I'm filled with wonderful visions of love and a life pregant with possibilities, full wonder and joy and pulsing with the compassion and beauty of all mankind. Inspiration runs rampant in this place, with ideas of changeand possibility and endless fantasies of a perfect world, where the lions lie down with the lambs, where people are always kind and loving, where no one is killed for any reason, where death is a welcome promotion to be greeted with joy and reverence. Where puppy dogs and kitty cats and all of their animal brethren are welcome, and well fed and treated with the love and respect that they deserve. Where people are truly happy to be on this beautiful earth and we show it all the time, in all of our actions.

Then, just when I think I've got it all figured out, and my life begins to take shape again, darkness descends, and again I stand on the brink.