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TEARS OF AWE ('Temple of Sinawava', Zion National Park, 2-14-2001)
february 14th
valentines day
i stood
in zions
open heart
looking up
as i
walked
soul deep
in heartfelt
prayer
when such
breathtaking magic
so suddenly
came
to melt
my
woeful
many years
of glacial
inner pain
away
as fat
white
snowflakes fell
from thousands
of feet
high above
down from
cloud roofed
sheer
red rock
ancient
canyon walls
like angels
descending
en masse
bright snow
fell
slow mo
white flow
falling
everywhere
all around
me
as i
felt
my heart
open
so widely
lifting
high up
out
of me
in
deep utter
sudden
emotional awe
rising upwards
through
dense purity
of so
much falling
whiteness
falling
gently
falling
so silently
falling falling
like all
of heaven
coming down
in a
continuous rush
of magically
descending
countless
delicate
white stars
freeing
captive ecstasy
from an
ever expanding
hidden galaxy
somehow lost
or subconsciously
suppressed
or far
too long
forgotten
somewhere deep
inside me
something missing
so startlingly
re found
in this
unexpected
staggeringly profound
most wondrous
moments release
of frozen
heavens
healing touch
coming
coming down
all
at once
as i
looked up
beyond
the breathtaking
peace filled
awe
of zions
towering
ancient
red rock
canyon walls
just in
time
to witness
the very
second
the snow
cloud filled
highest
sky roof
above
all came
falling down
to gently
touch
and kiss
my upturned
faces
prayerful gaze
then completely
embrace and
engulf me
along with
all this
beautiful
visible world
around me
dressing everything
in sight
with its
epiphanic answer
to all
my
heartfelt prayers
whereupon
an equally
sudden stream
of tears
welled up
filling
my eyes
running down
in such
effortlessly surrendered
sweet release
from cheek
to chin
to snowy ground
all around
my
ugg boot
covered
warm feet
down below
where
the only
thing
keeping me
feeling
still somewhat
connected
yet barely
tethered
and anchored
between
this sweet
snowy earth
and the
purest embrace
of these
open soul
heavens
rapturously transcendent
healing
white flow
uplifting
my heart
mind
and spirit
from above
spontaneously releasing
ecstatic tears
of joy
from my
heart to
my eyes
which freely
fell
like warm
fluid diamonds
back down
into the
snow at
my feet
as i
walked further
on
out into
the wondrous
overwhelming
beauty
and truly
magical oneness
of it
all
while
fully realizing
all
the while
that i
was surely
seeing
in a
sacred manner
in which
my tears
continued
to gently
and silently
fall
along with
the steadily
falling snow
softly to
the ground
i noticed
and saw
as soon
as each
one
hit the
snowy ground
beneath me
they left
no stain
at all
but only
a tiny
little hole
in its
freely
released
emancipated
escapes refrains
upon
into
the freshly
fallen
powdery snows
frozen
white earth
below
wherein
that
very moment
i immediately
felt
and knew
that something
had deeply
turned
and changed
within me
on that
day of
so much
silent
whiteness
falling
falling
down
where i
was so
completely
blown away
so thoroughly
swallowed up
in such
tender
painful
merciful beauty
which reminded
me through
its transcendent
grace alone
of something
too long
forgotten
yet always
innately known
by me
so magically
so wondrously
returned
and reminded
so beautifully
reconfirmed
to me
here now
once again
in this
truly natural
most spiritual
baptismal cleansing
purge
of heavens
soft kisses
silent
healing
pure blissful
unexpected descent
through this
spontaneous
benevolent gift
some deeper
truly transformational
shift
occurred through
the startled
sudden surprise
of my
bleary
tear filled
eyes
and my
widely
opened heart
as i
realized in
the sweeping
awe
and magical
heavenly wonderment
of its
timeless
sacred gift
while
all sense
of my
usual
egoic identitys
self
was completely
suspended
shut off
in the
glorious midst
of such
truly indescribable
ineffable beauty
and in
the beautiful
stunned relief
and heightened
awareness
which came
upon my
sudden realization
that my
soul deep
prayers
of so
many
near hopeless
lost
dark years
had finally
it seems
at so
very
long last
been both
heard
and answered
without even
the slightest
signs of
any still
lingering
inner doubts
fears nor tears
now left here
remaining
within me
to scream
or cry out
at all
Published 21st Sep 2013
| Edited 21st Mar 2024
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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Anonymous
21st Sep 2013 5:54pm
I was there oin...and you relayed it so well!
thanks for reminding me
strider
thanks for reminding me
strider
21st Sep 2013 7:34pm
Very 'cool' (literally!), thanks Strider!... Glad to hear it vicariously & experientially took you back to your own special memories & moments there!...
Definitely a magical place, esp. during those well worth waiting for, unexpectedly rewarding, 'Extra Magical' moments when all of nature just opens up our eyes & hearts to & with the fullness of it's truly glorious, awe-inspiring, undeniably interconnected, greater dance, wherein we get the wondrous opportunity to see, feel, experience & profoundly 'know', that we ourselves are truly an inseparable, integral part of that Sacred, living Wholeness & Oneness with ALL CREATION!!!... (Oooops, there I go, proselytizing again!!!... Oh well, in any case, I know you know what I mean!!!)...
- OIN
Definitely a magical place, esp. during those well worth waiting for, unexpectedly rewarding, 'Extra Magical' moments when all of nature just opens up our eyes & hearts to & with the fullness of it's truly glorious, awe-inspiring, undeniably interconnected, greater dance, wherein we get the wondrous opportunity to see, feel, experience & profoundly 'know', that we ourselves are truly an inseparable, integral part of that Sacred, living Wholeness & Oneness with ALL CREATION!!!... (Oooops, there I go, proselytizing again!!!... Oh well, in any case, I know you know what I mean!!!)...
- OIN
Anonymous
21st Sep 2013 9:48pm
Beautiful! Got swept up in the serenity of this piece.
16th Oct 2013 11:23pm
Thank you Scat!... So happy to hear that you were swept up into the impressionistically descriptive serenity & wondrous, natural beauty of that profoundly moving experience I had so many years ago... I only wish you could have been there & experienced it yourself, then you would see & know how futilely insufficient any inspired poem or use of mere words & language alone were & still are, in comparison to the powerful, sheer Bliss of that breathtakingly, timeless, pure magical moment!!!... But still, nonetheless... I suppose, even being "swept up" vicariously into any resonant, inwardly visual ('imagined'), relevant semblance of it & to it, is perhaps the next best thing (short of having a great photo of it?)to having been there & experienced it yourself!?!?!... Thank you again for your 'beautiful' comment in response to it here!!!...
~ O.I.N.
~ O.I.N.
Anonymous
23rd Sep 2013 9:15am
OH such joy, the first flakes of snow, love the day when they arrive, the snow here can be so magical, especially looking at the snowy carpet and trees at night, it lights up like a miraculous place of brightness...Great meditation write...
17th Oct 2013 00:23am
Thanks Lizy-Q for your wonderful comments & for relating to it so here!... The incredible thing, which it seems my poem didn't sufficiently capture about the profoundly moving & emotionally wondrous event, that made it unlike any other snowfall I had ever experienced before in my life, was that instead of the snow initially coming down gradually with just a few stray flakes at a time & then increasingly into an eventual steady, light or heavy, more typical snow, was that as I had just gotten out of the car & began walking around the beautiful setting (in the heart of Zion Natnl. park), which already had about a foot of fresh snow all over everything in sight from the previous days before (but with not a flake falling for the first ten minutes, as I walked meditatively & went into a deep, spontaneous, heartfelt prayer of gratitude for my life & all my blessings, in the sheer, tranquil silence & beauty of this magically stunning place), then upon my looking straight up through all the snow covered, bare tree limbs, at the 4,000 foot high, sheer, red-rock walls of the surrounding cliffs all around this sacred place, I noticed that I couldn't even see the tops of the high cliff walls surrounding me, as the whole roof of the sky above them was nothing but the billowy, white-grey bottoms of heavily laden snow clouds & just then as I realized how beautifully strange & surreal it all looked, while continuing on in the inner thoughts & focused words of my prayer, suddenly all at once, the entire sky up above, literally began to dump, simultaneously en masse, tons of huge, dry white, fat snowflakes down upon me & all things below & I could actually see the whole white mass coming down (getting rapidly closer!) from thousands of feet above, for as it fell like a great, white, horizontal wall & approached me & the ground, it increasingly obscured completely from sight, the surrounding heights of the 4,000 ft. red rock walls, which only mere moments before had been towering all around me!!!... & when it all hit my upturned gaze, eyes & face at the same moment it hit everything else, the weight of it's contact from the 1st moment on, felt like the sweetest, most divinely blessed kiss from God/Creator/Ceation 'Itself' & as if it were the most perfectly timed, clearly unquestionable answer to the entirety of my heartfelt prayer(!!!)& with the first moment of it's truly heavenly kiss & full body & being embrace, my heart seemed to burst wide open & with it, my tears fell as the snow!!!... (just a few more integral details (for context)that weren't expressed in my spontaneous poem, but which I felt compelled here to kindredly share with you!)...
~ O.I.N.
~ O.I.N.
Anonymous
17th Oct 2013 6:31am
Hi Najin,
THANK you so much for your most welcome reply!
It is still early in the morning here and the dark of the dawn fits perfectly to what you have written. As I almost saw the experience on a flat screen before me (more or less in my minds eye)...
All I was thinking was that it sounded like an angel flying down...Nature has its own ways of reminding us of its presence.
I feel honored sharing this spiritual moment with you. Hope to read your poetry soon again!
Take care
LQ
THANK you so much for your most welcome reply!
It is still early in the morning here and the dark of the dawn fits perfectly to what you have written. As I almost saw the experience on a flat screen before me (more or less in my minds eye)...
All I was thinking was that it sounded like an angel flying down...Nature has its own ways of reminding us of its presence.
I feel honored sharing this spiritual moment with you. Hope to read your poetry soon again!
Take care
LQ
28th Oct 2013 10:44am
Thank you Lizzy-Q, I feel truly honored & thrilled to hear that that magical, sudden, silent snowfall I so wondrously experienced so many years ago, even though only vicariously (& insufficiently) told in my poem & further painted & conveyed in my last reply's comments to you, seems to have almost magically re-fallen, just as wondrously upon your senses & receptively open heart (with a little, additional, effective help from that (High Definition/'HD') flat screen you visualized it upon in your mind's eye!!!)...
I've been experiencing, patiently enduring & going through, absolutely the longest 'dry' spell of no new poems arising up within me or coming 'through' me now for what must be over three months (very strange & a bit worrisome at this point, but still I can only trust that they will (or hopefully 'may') yet still come & arise within me again, someday, whenever it is time for them to do so...'IF' they are at all?!!!?
My conscious energies, focus & actions 'HAVE' been profoundly redirected & greatly distracted away from my usual life-long state of naturally creative mind, perception & attention, over this same period of time (all quite unexpectedly!), so I only hope I have not so unwittingly neglected (& irreverently disrespected) my responsibilities to my muse, that I may have somehow finally & perhaps even justifiably been released, let go & set free (at long last!?!) from what I have always considered, intuited & accepted as my lifetime's immutable & inescapable 'fate'?!!!?... (Geesh, I truly hope not, as for some ironic, yet deeply felt, unexplainable reason, just thinking that thought makes me feel a very deep sadness, like receiving the sudden news of the tragic loss ('death') of a dearest, close, lifelong friend!!!)...~(sigh)...
Oh well, beyond that, I did manage to find a poem I had written back shortly before this persistent case of profound writer's block befell me, it was from June 30th of this year(2013)... I somehow must have overlooked it (or mistakenly thought I had already submitted & posted it on DUP)at the time!?!... Anyway, I went ahead & posted it tonight, just before I found your last response' comments to me here re: my 'Tears Of Awe' poem... The title of the poem I posted tonight is 'My Blind Restless Muse' & ironically, it's peculiarly oblique wording, seems to somewhat shadow (like some elegiac portent perhaps?!?)of
this frustrating phase I am still currently so stuck in!!!... Thanks again for sharing the wonderful comments of your response here, sorry if my own response to it here has been a bit (or a lot?)delayed in coming, but I haven't even checked in to my DUP world here for probably the past month or two?!!!?... I miss it & am hoping I can find my way back into it's saddle again before too much longer?!...
~ 'LOVE & LIGHT', ~ O.I.N. / (Dennis)
I've been experiencing, patiently enduring & going through, absolutely the longest 'dry' spell of no new poems arising up within me or coming 'through' me now for what must be over three months (very strange & a bit worrisome at this point, but still I can only trust that they will (or hopefully 'may') yet still come & arise within me again, someday, whenever it is time for them to do so...'IF' they are at all?!!!?
My conscious energies, focus & actions 'HAVE' been profoundly redirected & greatly distracted away from my usual life-long state of naturally creative mind, perception & attention, over this same period of time (all quite unexpectedly!), so I only hope I have not so unwittingly neglected (& irreverently disrespected) my responsibilities to my muse, that I may have somehow finally & perhaps even justifiably been released, let go & set free (at long last!?!) from what I have always considered, intuited & accepted as my lifetime's immutable & inescapable 'fate'?!!!?... (Geesh, I truly hope not, as for some ironic, yet deeply felt, unexplainable reason, just thinking that thought makes me feel a very deep sadness, like receiving the sudden news of the tragic loss ('death') of a dearest, close, lifelong friend!!!)...~(sigh)...
Oh well, beyond that, I did manage to find a poem I had written back shortly before this persistent case of profound writer's block befell me, it was from June 30th of this year(2013)... I somehow must have overlooked it (or mistakenly thought I had already submitted & posted it on DUP)at the time!?!... Anyway, I went ahead & posted it tonight, just before I found your last response' comments to me here re: my 'Tears Of Awe' poem... The title of the poem I posted tonight is 'My Blind Restless Muse' & ironically, it's peculiarly oblique wording, seems to somewhat shadow (like some elegiac portent perhaps?!?)of
this frustrating phase I am still currently so stuck in!!!... Thanks again for sharing the wonderful comments of your response here, sorry if my own response to it here has been a bit (or a lot?)delayed in coming, but I haven't even checked in to my DUP world here for probably the past month or two?!!!?... I miss it & am hoping I can find my way back into it's saddle again before too much longer?!...
~ 'LOVE & LIGHT', ~ O.I.N. / (Dennis)
