Sally Snott

This is a caricature of someone we've all worked with at one time or another. Now she's been forced to tell the truth!

I am a snivelling arse wipe my name is Sally Snott,
Your secrets are not safe with me I gossip quite a lot,
I glide around the office being everybody’s friend,
And if you've personal problems false sympathy I’ll lend.

You tell me, confidentially, your boyfriend’s just left you,
And now you think you’re pregnant and don't know what to do,
I’ll sigh and say I'm sorry and give a sympathetic smile,
But all will know your secret girl in just a little while.

Taking coffee to the boss’s office I say good morning Bob,
Then let him grope my tits and arse that’s how I keep my job,
‘Cos I'm a useless bugger not good at anything,
Except lolling in a wine bar whilst wearing lot’s of bling.

I am a sly and slimy git, who really takes great pleasure,
In setting folk at loggerheads then watching at my leisure,
“Please do keep this secret do you know what Julie said?
She told me confidentially she’s had your bloke in bed.”

“Oh please don’t say I told you it would cause me lots of woe,
But really Susan dah-ling I thought that you should know.”
And so I spread my vitriol round the office personnel,
It’s because I'm an unhappy bitch at home my life is hell.

My husband’s a fat bald bastard, who’s as smarmy as he’s smug,
He visits massage parlours and thinks I don’t know the mug,
But I will not divorce him ‘cos his salary’s is very high,
So I keep on over feeding him and hope the sod will die.

We've never had any kids you see too selfish both are we,
For self indulgent pleasures we both need to be free,
We love expensive holidays and dining out a lot,
And we never tire of hinting of how much money we have got.

We pretend we’re very happy and have everything in life,
We put on this act to hide the fact we’re full of inner strife,
Constantly we’re worried about what other people think,
So we go posing down the golf club buying everyone a drink.

Last year we had a gardener a handsome slender lad,
I used to screw the arse off him, best sex I ever had,
He borrowed lots of cash from me and never did come back,
So I had to tell my husband that I’d given him the sack.

“He was always making eyes at me” I with straight face said,
“And unpleasant innuendo about taking me to bed,
So do not ring him up my dear it would embarrass both of us,
And we can’t afford a scandal love so please don’t make a fuss.”

But secretly I'm burning up with hurt and injured pride,
I yearn for his young body, to feel his rock-hard cock inside,
That’s why I'm such a bitter bitch who’ll hurt you if she can,
I envy your relationship with your tender loving man.