Human

You tell me that you need me
but I don't see it that way.
I know you think we're better off
if we could both just stay.
But things are different for me
I'm not doing as well.
You seem so happy these days,
I'm not mad that you can't tell.
That I can't seem to find
anything to bring me up.
When weed becomes your best friend,
it's time to admit you're in a rut.
So I'm in a rut, I'm kinda stuck.
I'm twenty four with rotten luck.
I wish I didn't give a fuck,
and could run until I felt better,
but I wouldn't feel better.
I promised I would never
pack a bag and leave you here,
but what about me? What about me?
When promises feel like chains.
I'm only happy when it rains,
so I can justify staying inside,
depression can be so hard to hide.
You tell me that you need me,
I know you want me to stay,
but I can't stop thinking,
it might be time I went away.
If my heart isn't here,
i don't mean, not with you, dear.
No matter where I am,
you know you're right there.
What I need to feel alive
is to be in my car and drive,
down that old road 45.
Will you love me when I'm gone?
Or just feel abandoned?
after all you've saved my life,
and this isn't how I planned it.
To be selfish or selfless
I can't deny that I'm a hot mess,
but you already know that about me.
I don't know what I'm doing,
or even what I'm saying.
Something about this poem
feels a little bit like praying.
As if I can write a solution,
something I could really say,
to explain, to your face,
these thoughts I cant chase.
Out of my head, off of my lips,
how long until it slips?
I am not ungrateful,
I am merely human.