deepundergroundpoetry.com
nightmare
As I slumber
Restlessly dreaming
Images flash
and a message is screaming
Struggle to block
what it keeps repeating
With all of my energy
I keep pleading
Yet the circumstances that be
are defeating
my heart, and the yearning
I need to have meaning
and it strips at my will
Till I'm nearly conceeding
On and on through the night
As Im dreaming
And dreaming
Restlessly dreaming
Images flash
and a message is screaming
Struggle to block
what it keeps repeating
With all of my energy
I keep pleading
Yet the circumstances that be
are defeating
my heart, and the yearning
I need to have meaning
and it strips at my will
Till I'm nearly conceeding
On and on through the night
As Im dreaming
And dreaming
Published 20th Dec 2010
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comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
23rd Dec 2010 5:16pm
That seems like a night that never ends! Seems that you've described the nightmare well in your poem.
31st Dec 2010 3:32pm
you did really well with your internal rhymes, kind of giving it a feeling of relentlessness. i do appreciate that, good show! [:
1st Feb 2011 8:30pm
great use of imagery here.
I liked the slumber feeling and the drifting in and out of dreams - never truly asleep or awake.
Well written indeed.
You kept the lines quite abrupt which added power to the poem. I think you could add more power by making these lines even for abrupt:
As I slumber
Restlessly dreaming
Images flash
and a message is screaming
I slumber
restlessly dreaming
Images flash
A message screams
just a thought - that said - awesome write,
Hooded
I liked the slumber feeling and the drifting in and out of dreams - never truly asleep or awake.
Well written indeed.
You kept the lines quite abrupt which added power to the poem. I think you could add more power by making these lines even for abrupt:
As I slumber
Restlessly dreaming
Images flash
and a message is screaming
I slumber
restlessly dreaming
Images flash
A message screams
just a thought - that said - awesome write,
Hooded
3rd Mar 2011 5:47am
this is very lyrical, it feels like a song.
"till i'm nearly conceding".. epic
"till i'm nearly conceding".. epic
