My wishfilled sonnets I

I wish I was dark.
Not literally
I mean lyricaly
I wish I was lost

In pain,
Let my eyes draw thin streams made of blood
Memories escape. Down my cheeks they'd roll.

I wish I was worse.
Mad at the world,put my sorrow in verse
Obsessed with blades and the cuts they could leave...
Excited by thoughts of arteries bleeding.

But that isn't me.... Not me I say.
That is the me I buried away.