Temporary Pain

I am just a mistake, I shouldn’t be here
But I chose to wear a seat belt, so here I am
Even though I don’t want to be
It should have been me, not her
I should have died; I want to, she didn’t
She was finally happy; I haven’t been happy in a long time

I’m tired of acting; I’m tired of acting for others
I cut, I’m depressed, and I’m in pain
I can’t see anything good about myself; there’s nothing
I always make trouble, I make everyone mad
Always hurt people, I hurt everyone

I want the pain to end, so, so, very bad
I can barely take it, I’m just getting worse
Usually I only want to kill myself when I’m crying, upset, in a breakdown
But now…
I want it when I’m calm

I can’t take much more
I know it will hurt people, but it will be the last time I do

I can’t, I just can’t.. take.. much.. more..
I am a waste of space, I annoy everyone, I hurt everyone
I can’t do anything right, never have, never will

I can’t always hide how I feel, but I store it away
Crying silently and alone, somewhat comforting, the silence
Wishing for it to go away
Wishing for it to end
Wishing I would end
My life
Existence
Everything