deepundergroundpoetry.com
Smoke Dance
CAUTION:SMOKING IS INJURIOUS TO HEALTH
You have decayed,
& burned to ashes-
That released smoke,
& it does vanish.
So I smoked,
& took this pain-
For your image,
& see you through.
Till my lips,
& heart turned dark-
You remained such,
& danced for me.
[b]Smoke Dance is my composition based on a true story in which his beloved dies of cancer. The beloved could not bear the shock and ends himself tragically by continuously smoking cigarettes. He used to see his beloved’s image made out of smoke and the rising smoke elevated upwards like his beloved dancing in the heaven. He succumbed to lung cancer and made his love an immortal tribute till his end.[/b]
Published 2nd Dec 2010
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Very well done, Anando. Just a quick note: I think you should put the explanation in italics instead of boldface because at first I thought it was part of the composition and it threw me off for a second. If I could more readily tell where the feeling ends I think it would have a greater impact. But upon a re-read it was even more beautiful. Truly well done, sir.
3rd Dec 2010 1:43pm
3rd Dec 2010 1:01am
3rd Dec 2010 1:44pm
Thanks Ophie...Now feeling gr8. I crossed my fingers when actually posted it, cause twas lil bit out of ma stable:-)
5th Dec 2010 3:14pm
Anonymous
6th Dec 2010 2:37am
A nicely concise and haunting poem. I'm not sure about the ampersands, and I think you should remove all punctuation, but other than that this is a perfectly fine, effective and powerful piece, with a strong accompanying image.
7th Dec 2010 8:40am
I always respect your kind and genuine comments Jack. I will think about the punctuations, however, i used the ampersands as my liberty. I don't know about syntaxing of the same.
