For Julia Ghoulia

Postdated; Nov 12th of 2012

Dearest,

Daylight is dawning, & you have asked for stories - bruised & blue.

A year ago today.. I was driving somewhere between the top of Victoria & the bottom of New South Wales. An impulsive decision the day before after a night of stripping at Dallas Showgirls, & fiending for meth. I faced two options.. Catch a taxi to a mates to smoke meth I didn’t have the cash to pay for.. Or pack everything the fuck up & drive. Just drive.
I chose escapism. Took six days to travel from Melbourne to the Gold Coast where I then caught a flight only hours upon arriving in Queensland straight across the country, & back home.. To Perth. I was hurt, so fucking desperately lost & alone. With my tail between my legs I ran home.. Only to arrive there.. Even more lost, & alone then before.

Fast forward a year… And I have become everything I swore I would not. A year ago today… I had NO fucking idea that I would be where I am, let alone who I am as I write this to you.

I don’t regret a single fucking thing.

And now, as this year.. This year of evolution, empowerment comes to it’s bitter end - I am unsure of where I am going, I do not know what is next for me.. Nor what I even want to be ‘next for me’. I grow colder as days go past, more & more relentlessly unfathomed by my miserable existence. I can not figure out how the fuck I can move forward.

Nevertheless, I am happy. I have wants, needs.. Just uncertainty of how to obtain the life I wish to lead… I want to be saved, cos I am far too weak to save myself. I do not want a Superhero.. Just a friend.