deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Canonized Nightmares of a Life Once Too Gruesome to Bear
To whom that awaits in the shadows,
Goodnight.
I can no longer harbour your anger,
I do not wish to inflict your burden upon others.
There shall be no more horrors,
No more pain;
The madness must cease.
A great sleep awaits this wretched soul.
Wash away my demons in these tears,
Cast away like forgotten grains of sand,
Swept aloft and buried by the winds.
I do not want forgiveness,
I want peace.
Goodnight.
I can no longer harbour your anger,
I do not wish to inflict your burden upon others.
There shall be no more horrors,
No more pain;
The madness must cease.
A great sleep awaits this wretched soul.
Wash away my demons in these tears,
Cast away like forgotten grains of sand,
Swept aloft and buried by the winds.
I do not want forgiveness,
I want peace.
Published 16th Jun 2013
| Edited 27th Jun 2015
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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The author encourages honest critique.
17th Jun 2013 6:49pm
Welcome to DU, Alex!
This poem speaks of endings, but hints at fresh starts too... Just my opinion... The line "I need to rest" isn't strictly needed.
Pen on, sir.
This poem speaks of endings, but hints at fresh starts too... Just my opinion... The line "I need to rest" isn't strictly needed.
Pen on, sir.
Thank you so much for your welcoming feedback Atakti.
I agree with you that I could lose the "i need to rest" line, as it is essentially just echoing the previous line. When I wrote this poem one sleepless night (it was actually dawn) the lines pretty much appeared in front of me. The "i need to rest" line was almost a desperate plea for mercy, a murmur on the page, a slip of the tongue, insisting that I go to bed!
Sometimes losing a line is like cutting off your own finger... let me think about it some more.
Again, thanks heaps for your feedback and for giving it the thumb.
case28
I agree with you that I could lose the "i need to rest" line, as it is essentially just echoing the previous line. When I wrote this poem one sleepless night (it was actually dawn) the lines pretty much appeared in front of me. The "i need to rest" line was almost a desperate plea for mercy, a murmur on the page, a slip of the tongue, insisting that I go to bed!
Sometimes losing a line is like cutting off your own finger... let me think about it some more.
Again, thanks heaps for your feedback and for giving it the thumb.
case28
28th Jun 2015 1:31am
Ahhh, Alexander Case, luv ~ :-*
I am struck by this plea for surcease from that which plagues. This plea is a familiar one to me. I've been in this place or one similar to it and it's an agonizing, tormenting, devil of a place to be.
You write it extraordinarily well. To write it thus, I'm thinking you've traversed the dark valley of the soul and your inimitable pen tells it sparely, elegantly, heart-wrenchingly.
I've now read the comments above and I find myself wondering about the removed line - a great deal, actually. Sometimes, I think what we vomit forth all of a piece is a perfect thing. Sometimes reiteration of a thing adds emphasis and additional intimations of meaning not otherwise conveyable. I'd give a lot to be able to see this as it was, luv. I don't know why, just a feeling... ;-*
I am struck by this plea for surcease from that which plagues. This plea is a familiar one to me. I've been in this place or one similar to it and it's an agonizing, tormenting, devil of a place to be.
You write it extraordinarily well. To write it thus, I'm thinking you've traversed the dark valley of the soul and your inimitable pen tells it sparely, elegantly, heart-wrenchingly.
I've now read the comments above and I find myself wondering about the removed line - a great deal, actually. Sometimes, I think what we vomit forth all of a piece is a perfect thing. Sometimes reiteration of a thing adds emphasis and additional intimations of meaning not otherwise conveyable. I'd give a lot to be able to see this as it was, luv. I don't know why, just a feeling... ;-*
