Purple Princess to Black Monster

How do I feel?
Broken, confused, wrong
I am not meant to be
I am not meant to exist
Let alone be with anyone
That must be why
These feeling feel wild
Untamed; like the forest 
That we were in 
We . . . were never a "we"
Purple princess
I loved you
Or thought I did
But she died just like
Her hair did; into an
Intense black
I know she never cared
That she loved being loved
It had nothing to do with me
I was a way to pass time
The girl I loved doesn't exist
Because the girl I loved
Wouldn't do that to me
I don't think she ever
Existed
Not in you anyways

In those woods
Deep and dim
You grabbed my hand
Electricity pulsed through it
It didn't feel good!
It hurt. It hurt.
It didn't matter when we kissed
That was physical
That was easy
We could kiss and 
Fuck all day long
And it wouldn't hurt
It wouldn't spark anything
I wouldn't feel anything
Just like you didn't when you
Used me; to feel better about
The purple monster you were
Too harsh or too honest?
Too harsh, you weren't 
A monster, you still aren't 
You are a confused scared girl
With a gun and I got caught
In the cross fire
Injured. You just needed help
And I turned you away
You still need help 
But getting close to you
Emotionally, is a chance I 
Can't make; not now

You held my hand
My heart raced or stopped
I couldn't tell which
And you confused me again
With feelings; not towards you
But in generally
If I am lovable
Datable
Anything
To anyone
Will I ever be someones love
Crush that makes their day
That seeing me smile is
Worth wild to them 
You can't help the way you feel
Confused black princess
But you could have told the truth
To me; since I always told you 
Just answer me this, 
Was any of it real?