Scared

want to say everything,
a blunt statement,
a hope,
want to show you everything.
the only person I can see
the only one
threatened by people trying to protect,
I wonder if you care,
wonder if I can make things better,
and I keep just saying things
and I keep just getting
nothing.
nothing at all,
these things, why can't I control myself?
why can't I just fucking stop?
just stop?
Don't know... I don't know...
I lost.
can't calm myself,
and I can't restart,
I can't do anything.
so hard to listen
thousands of words from every different part of me
keep rushing in, who am I to blame?
If I take the hate,
am I strong?
if I forget,
is it worthwhile?
whats wrong with me?
lend a helping hand...
and I set out to drown you.
what is wrong with me?
what is wrong?
I tried to use you...
to make you less...
you, my only friend
you, the only person I can feel something towards...
the person
that matched,
those strange days
where the sun rises in bright red
the orange clouds,
trees over the mountains as a witness,
the warmth.
the almost unnatural warmth of day starting
far too early,
when birds stay silent
and we all hide in our homes,
why did I try to drown you?
why did I hold your hand?
only to pull it under?
why did I do this?


What can I say to you now.
what can I do...
what can I say to you, so full of warmth, so full of belief, what  can these cold lips form.
what can this trash say to you?