The Looking Glass

Screams echo the hatred in your eyes
Eyes filled to the brim with volcanic tears
Rage knotting in your stomach like a snake coiling around its prey
Hissing of the disgrace I am to you
I see your lips twisting with words of anger

Anger
I tell myself your head is clouded
Like Hiroshima after they dropped the bomb
I tell myself what your saying isn’t what true
I watch your mouth move with words
Breathing in the breath of your insults
Lungs soaking in the poisen you spew
And i don’t know what to do to make you realize
Every insult is an earthquake in my foundation

Your voice starts to crack
Lighting splitting my heart in a streak of pain
Sky dark as the hell filling your voice
Fat tears of God streak the windows of this house
Whispering I’m sorry through thunder claps

I pray for an ice age to come along
Warm my skin from all the disgust you harbor in your bosom
Freeze my blood so your silence no longer splits my veins
Preventing me from being drained of who I want to be

I don’t know what I am supposed to do
Don’t know what more I can do
How would you feel if your mother did you this way
Reinforcing the description you give yourself
Cramming your worst attributes down your throat
Like liberated concentration camp survivors did food

My mother
I’m supposed to receive 24 chromosomes from you
So maybe that why when I look in the mirror
All I want to do is cry
Shame overtaking my mouth leaking vomit and apologies
I’m sorry my reflection cannot be more what you wish of me

I look back on old family photo albums
Searching for a time when this mask of loathing
Wasn't etched into your beautiful features

Me and my brother
6 years of separation
Him in the world of frost
Me in the world of my maker
He claims he had it harder than me
He used to get his ass beat
I got it easy
I shouldn't complain so much
But in photos where your are holding him
There is an unpinned smile on your face
A time when resentment was yet to touch
The day I was born was the day it died

I remember arguments and never being what you wanted
No matter what I did it just wasn't enough
Broken bones litter my memories of you
Gaping wounds where you love should be

I’ve come to an understanding that it isn’t me you hate
The reason love has never been in the picture
Is because all you see when you look at me is a reflection

Broken woman broken child
Broken moments filled a broken home
Chocking on your looking stone