deepundergroundpoetry.com
Dearest Mother,
Dear Mother,
Where do I even begin? You are the source of alot of my pain. And I know, you had me at 15 years old. You were a child yourself. A child with a child. What were you thinking? I imagine myself now, at 22, in your shoes, with a 7 year old.. I could never have been that person.
I hold alot of hate towards you. So much anger. Why? You are fucking weak. Pathetic. You have never been a mother to me. And your neglect & abuse left me emotionally scarred beyond belief. You should have protected me but you left me open to predators.
Do you remember the first time you punched me? I do. Do you remember the night you asked for my blade.. & you dragged it down your wrist in front of me? I was 16.
What about when you kicked me out of home at 14? Or the first time you stole money from me?
Out of 6 children, I am all you have left. Why do I keep running back? Cos you are my fucking mother. All I ever wanted was for you to love me. You know, I hate talking to you when you drink. Yet still you call. You justify your negligence by saying that I’m all grown up now & do not need you. That I never have. Bullshit. I always fucking needed you & to this day, after all the pain you have put me through, I still need you. I just learned to survive without you.
So, mama.. ‘majahbear’, this is for everytime that you chose to party instead of read me a bedtime story. For everytime that you dumped me on Nan or Gran & disappeared for weeks. All the times that you hit me, blamed me, abused me, stole from me. For every single time you let me down.
Mama, I forgive you.. But I will never forget.
Always,
Your Firstborn Daughter.
Where do I even begin? You are the source of alot of my pain. And I know, you had me at 15 years old. You were a child yourself. A child with a child. What were you thinking? I imagine myself now, at 22, in your shoes, with a 7 year old.. I could never have been that person.
I hold alot of hate towards you. So much anger. Why? You are fucking weak. Pathetic. You have never been a mother to me. And your neglect & abuse left me emotionally scarred beyond belief. You should have protected me but you left me open to predators.
Do you remember the first time you punched me? I do. Do you remember the night you asked for my blade.. & you dragged it down your wrist in front of me? I was 16.
What about when you kicked me out of home at 14? Or the first time you stole money from me?
Out of 6 children, I am all you have left. Why do I keep running back? Cos you are my fucking mother. All I ever wanted was for you to love me. You know, I hate talking to you when you drink. Yet still you call. You justify your negligence by saying that I’m all grown up now & do not need you. That I never have. Bullshit. I always fucking needed you & to this day, after all the pain you have put me through, I still need you. I just learned to survive without you.
So, mama.. ‘majahbear’, this is for everytime that you chose to party instead of read me a bedtime story. For everytime that you dumped me on Nan or Gran & disappeared for weeks. All the times that you hit me, blamed me, abused me, stole from me. For every single time you let me down.
Mama, I forgive you.. But I will never forget.
Always,
Your Firstborn Daughter.
Published 11th Apr 2013
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 0
reads 691
Commenting Preference:
The author has chosen not to accept comments.
