Submissions by jwhwz
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
My First Misdemeanor
After all of these many months of drinking;
And, only about myself, thinking;
I finally spent a night in the drunk tank;
Which will only cost me twenty-five dollars from my bank.
For, intoxication in public is only a misdemeanor;
Before this, my record couldn't be cleaner.
I walked out of the police station in my socks;
But, really, I didn't feel any rocks.
It was dark and I didn't know which direction to go;
It was a situation in which I had to blow;
In the breathalizer before I could leave;
But, I really did not grieve.
For, I sat in the drunk...
And, only about myself, thinking;
I finally spent a night in the drunk tank;
Which will only cost me twenty-five dollars from my bank.
For, intoxication in public is only a misdemeanor;
Before this, my record couldn't be cleaner.
I walked out of the police station in my socks;
But, really, I didn't feel any rocks.
It was dark and I didn't know which direction to go;
It was a situation in which I had to blow;
In the breathalizer before I could leave;
But, I really did not grieve.
For, I sat in the drunk...
782 reads
0 Comments
It's a Shame
It's a shame that being honest can come from being drunk;
When one smells just like a skunk.
It seems that people don't want to hear the honest truth;
One wants to live life like one is in a phone booth.
Yes, it is the truth that hurts;
For one to be honest; one has to be curt.
That's why one who is honest cannot maintain friends;
For, honesty doesn't guarantee that life is better around the bend.
I say that over the internet, it doesn't matter;
One can be as mad as the Mad Hatter.
For "Alice in Wonderland" is a respectable story;
One...
When one smells just like a skunk.
It seems that people don't want to hear the honest truth;
One wants to live life like one is in a phone booth.
Yes, it is the truth that hurts;
For one to be honest; one has to be curt.
That's why one who is honest cannot maintain friends;
For, honesty doesn't guarantee that life is better around the bend.
I say that over the internet, it doesn't matter;
One can be as mad as the Mad Hatter.
For "Alice in Wonderland" is a respectable story;
One...
757 reads
1 Comment
For Your Information, But You Probably Don't Give A Shit
My man is one who does many things illegal;
For, he thinks he has the right to hide things from the cops and still be free as an eagle.
He smokes quite a lot of pot;
Yet, he is protective of what he's got.
He thinks he's so smooth and smart;
He turns hiding his bowl into an art.
A pothead is as big of a jerk as a boozer;
Frankly, we are both losers.
Because, you know that I have an obsession with beer;
My "Epic Beer Poem" makes that very clear.
These days, I am quite addicted to caffeine;
But, at least I am staying clean.
For, I have a...
For, he thinks he has the right to hide things from the cops and still be free as an eagle.
He smokes quite a lot of pot;
Yet, he is protective of what he's got.
He thinks he's so smooth and smart;
He turns hiding his bowl into an art.
A pothead is as big of a jerk as a boozer;
Frankly, we are both losers.
Because, you know that I have an obsession with beer;
My "Epic Beer Poem" makes that very clear.
These days, I am quite addicted to caffeine;
But, at least I am staying clean.
For, I have a...
736 reads
0 Comments
I Hate Kids
I figured out today that I hate kids;
I do not want to sit around and perform their bids.
I am never pushing a child out of my twat;
Whether my man likes it or not.
Kids are nothing but trouble;
They are around to burst my protective bubble.
The only time I like kids is when they are kitties;
The rest of the time, they are quite shitty.
If I ever had a child, I would abort it;
To keep it from ever sucking on my tit.
Bless all the parents that are out there;
That, for their little brats, care.
I'm just glad it isn't me;
Who has to put toys...
I do not want to sit around and perform their bids.
I am never pushing a child out of my twat;
Whether my man likes it or not.
Kids are nothing but trouble;
They are around to burst my protective bubble.
The only time I like kids is when they are kitties;
The rest of the time, they are quite shitty.
If I ever had a child, I would abort it;
To keep it from ever sucking on my tit.
Bless all the parents that are out there;
That, for their little brats, care.
I'm just glad it isn't me;
Who has to put toys...
783 reads
4 Comments
If a Tree Falls in the Woods
If a tree falls in the woods; does it make a sound;
If no one hears it touch the ground?
My answer is "yes", because nature doesn't depend on man;
It does all it does to survive, if it can.
Humans think the world revolves around us;
But, the truth will astound us.
Nature will go on whether we are here or not;
Because it has more to offer than we've got.
Humans are so self-involved;
We think that, around us, the world revolves.
But, nature is a force above us;
It doesn't hate us and doesn't love us.
We are here to take advantage of...
If no one hears it touch the ground?
My answer is "yes", because nature doesn't depend on man;
It does all it does to survive, if it can.
Humans think the world revolves around us;
But, the truth will astound us.
Nature will go on whether we are here or not;
Because it has more to offer than we've got.
Humans are so self-involved;
We think that, around us, the world revolves.
But, nature is a force above us;
It doesn't hate us and doesn't love us.
We are here to take advantage of...
615 reads
0 Comments
Respect for My Common-law Husband
I have a big crush on a guy named Rodger;
But, he often has to dodge'er.
I am in love with Jacob, my man;
And for him, I should do the best that I can.
But, Roger isn't a criminal, and neither am I;
For my man, I don't know whether to be angry or cry.
The last time we fought about his pot addiction;
He had a suicidal affliction.
So, I accept this flaw in him;
I am no better, because in alcohol, I swim.
I have my addiction as a boozer;
I guess we both are fucking losers!
But, he often has to dodge'er.
I am in love with Jacob, my man;
And for him, I should do the best that I can.
But, Roger isn't a criminal, and neither am I;
For my man, I don't know whether to be angry or cry.
The last time we fought about his pot addiction;
He had a suicidal affliction.
So, I accept this flaw in him;
I am no better, because in alcohol, I swim.
I have my addiction as a boozer;
I guess we both are fucking losers!
753 reads
0 Comments
A Letter to My Dad
Dear Dad,
I need your advice. A had a doctor's appointment yesterday. He agreed my hand was fine now, that it might have been a tendon that was out of place before. He did raise some other concerns, though; which I need your input about. He said I am underweight and that he wants me to gain ten punds. He thinks I have an eating disorder and wanats me to see a counselor about anorexia. He doesn't understrand, and I am being completely honest with you. I don't have an eating disorder. I just have an obsessive personality. I didn'ttell himthat, but you know that about me, don't...
I need your advice. A had a doctor's appointment yesterday. He agreed my hand was fine now, that it might have been a tendon that was out of place before. He did raise some other concerns, though; which I need your input about. He said I am underweight and that he wants me to gain ten punds. He thinks I have an eating disorder and wanats me to see a counselor about anorexia. He doesn't understrand, and I am being completely honest with you. I don't have an eating disorder. I just have an obsessive personality. I didn'ttell himthat, but you know that about me, don't...
760 reads
2 Comments
A Letter About a Price Hanging Over My Head
Here is my opinion. Please consider it. I want that burial account gone. I am poor, and I run out of money nearly every month, and it kills me to know there are thousands of dollars in my name just waiting for me to die. It is not fair. No one my age has life insurance. Why do I have to have a price on my head? My funeral probably won't cost all of that money the way this family cremates everyone, so who gets the rest of that money? And the fact that I don't have access to that account when it is such a burden in the first place when I am renewing my insurance, applying for social...
730 reads
0 Comments
Voyeurism
Now is not the time to talk about lawyers;
Now is the time to talk about voyeurs.
How many times have you peeked into a window;
When you felt like getting a blow?
Your dick you are massaging;
Your clothes are black; you're camouflaging.
Because you see through the sheer white curtains;
And you know you are quite certain;
That you see some double D breasts;
It is quite a treasure chest.
Her nipples, she is feeling;
Your cock is pointing toward her ceiling.
You imagine behind you a woman kneeling;
In the doggy style, you are healing;
Your...
Now is the time to talk about voyeurs.
How many times have you peeked into a window;
When you felt like getting a blow?
Your dick you are massaging;
Your clothes are black; you're camouflaging.
Because you see through the sheer white curtains;
And you know you are quite certain;
That you see some double D breasts;
It is quite a treasure chest.
Her nipples, she is feeling;
Your cock is pointing toward her ceiling.
You imagine behind you a woman kneeling;
In the doggy style, you are healing;
Your...
791 reads
0 Comments
About a Bitch
I loathe people with a fake persona;
I sickens me as much as pneumonia.
For, I met a boyish girl recently;
One personality was sweet; the other was a homey.
She came over, and we started to fight;
A good day turned into a very bad night.
For, she considers me a hypocrite;
When, in reality, I'm just schizophrenic.
I cannot control my thoughts;
Despite the anti-depressants my insurance has bought.
I am quite a pleasant woman at group meetings;
But, people in my real life; I am not good beyond greetings.
This girl could have...
I sickens me as much as pneumonia.
For, I met a boyish girl recently;
One personality was sweet; the other was a homey.
She came over, and we started to fight;
A good day turned into a very bad night.
For, she considers me a hypocrite;
When, in reality, I'm just schizophrenic.
I cannot control my thoughts;
Despite the anti-depressants my insurance has bought.
I am quite a pleasant woman at group meetings;
But, people in my real life; I am not good beyond greetings.
This girl could have...
711 reads
0 Comments
From the Heavens
A giant pussy is in the sky;
You can see it when you're friggin' high.
It gyrates like you would a good handshake;
It would save you in an earthquake.
Into this pussy, you want to dive;
It will make you ecstatic and thrive.
Up into the sky you jump;
It is much more exciting than a breast pump.
You strip down to your bare skin;
Then, masturbating, you do begin.
You leap excitedly and you soar;
You are ecstatic to fuck a pussy like that of a whore.
The pussy flickers in and out;
And into the heavens you shout.
For, you must...
You can see it when you're friggin' high.
It gyrates like you would a good handshake;
It would save you in an earthquake.
Into this pussy, you want to dive;
It will make you ecstatic and thrive.
Up into the sky you jump;
It is much more exciting than a breast pump.
You strip down to your bare skin;
Then, masturbating, you do begin.
You leap excitedly and you soar;
You are ecstatic to fuck a pussy like that of a whore.
The pussy flickers in and out;
And into the heavens you shout.
For, you must...
947 reads
3 Comments
f**kin' Nate
There's a guy I know whom I call Fuckin' Nate;
He has probably never made anyone's period late.
Because, this man I really hate;
I'm surprised he has pussy, and doesn't have to masturbate.
Nate is a total fucking loser;
An alcoholic and a drug abuser.
But, what really bothers me is his big mouth;
It makes my eyebrows point toward the south.
Nate enjoys pissing people off;
He should not have a woman to boff.
He gets high and annoying things, from his mouth, are spouting;
He always gets me to the point of shouting.
He tries to get everyone's goat;...
He has probably never made anyone's period late.
Because, this man I really hate;
I'm surprised he has pussy, and doesn't have to masturbate.
Nate is a total fucking loser;
An alcoholic and a drug abuser.
But, what really bothers me is his big mouth;
It makes my eyebrows point toward the south.
Nate enjoys pissing people off;
He should not have a woman to boff.
He gets high and annoying things, from his mouth, are spouting;
He always gets me to the point of shouting.
He tries to get everyone's goat;...
794 reads
0 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by jwhwz