Submissions by PooSmoothie69
POEMS AND SHORT STORIES
Poet Introduction
I'm a very spiritual man.
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
2nd Dec 2020 12:54pm
2nd Dec 2020 12:54pm
My KD Ratio is S**t
I love me some warzone,
get home from work to take that first hit.
As soon as I put that headset over my ears,
I just hear 'YOUR KD RATIO IS SHIT!'.
It's usually some little brat,
giving me a bunch of verbal.
A silly little twat,
pretending he smokes herbal.
I'm already fuming,
my patience is in bits.
So I move the mic close to my mouth,
and threaten to milk his mums tits.
He comes back to me immediately,
"You're like twelve - you're so fucking bad!"
I seize on the opportunity and retort -
"Yeah -...
get home from work to take that first hit.
As soon as I put that headset over my ears,
I just hear 'YOUR KD RATIO IS SHIT!'.
It's usually some little brat,
giving me a bunch of verbal.
A silly little twat,
pretending he smokes herbal.
I'm already fuming,
my patience is in bits.
So I move the mic close to my mouth,
and threaten to milk his mums tits.
He comes back to me immediately,
"You're like twelve - you're so fucking bad!"
I seize on the opportunity and retort -
"Yeah -...
#funny
272 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
3rd Sep 2020 10:58am
3rd Sep 2020 10:58am
The ongoing battle against the hobgoblins – the tales of Dr. Sphincter
#funny
231 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
19th Aug 2020 9:20am
19th Aug 2020 9:20am
Stupid cut scene
#funny
302 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
12th Aug 2020 4:59pm
12th Aug 2020 4:59pm
The Ball Monster
Be careful using the latrine soldier,
I know it's hard when nature calls.
But there's rumours of a shit-monster,
That'll cut off your little balls.
Private Gibson went to take a deuce,
and ended up coming back castrated.
He'd only just had one removed as well,
it's no wonder he's so frustrated.
The last thing we need 'round here,
is someone else's nads getting pinched.
Lieutenant Smith went the other day,
and his scrotum got fucking minced.
We're fired a few round into the hole,
in case there is actually...
I know it's hard when nature calls.
But there's rumours of a shit-monster,
That'll cut off your little balls.
Private Gibson went to take a deuce,
and ended up coming back castrated.
He'd only just had one removed as well,
it's no wonder he's so frustrated.
The last thing we need 'round here,
is someone else's nads getting pinched.
Lieutenant Smith went the other day,
and his scrotum got fucking minced.
We're fired a few round into the hole,
in case there is actually...
#funny
329 reads
1 Comment
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
12th Aug 2020 9:42am
12th Aug 2020 9:42am
Meat in the shed
If we face the apocalypse,
I want you to know there's no need to worry.
I've got plenty of reserves outside,
so we won't be starving in a hurry.
When the bombs inevitably fall,
please don't be filled with dread.
We'll be just fine when the smoke clears,
because I've got some meat in the shed.
I can't tell you where it came from,
so it's best that you just don't ask.
But please be appreciative of it,
acquiring it was a bit of a task.
I'll bring it to you,
so there's no need to snoop around. ...
I want you to know there's no need to worry.
I've got plenty of reserves outside,
so we won't be starving in a hurry.
When the bombs inevitably fall,
please don't be filled with dread.
We'll be just fine when the smoke clears,
because I've got some meat in the shed.
I can't tell you where it came from,
so it's best that you just don't ask.
But please be appreciative of it,
acquiring it was a bit of a task.
I'll bring it to you,
so there's no need to snoop around. ...
#funny
308 reads
2 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
12th Aug 2020 8:56am
12th Aug 2020 8:56am
Fat Cock Frank
#murder
#funny
#risk
288 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
11th Aug 2020 8:42am
11th Aug 2020 8:42am
Forklift me, daddy.
There are many noises in a warehouse,
including that of a beefy forklift.
The way they skim around the place,
is a subtle and virtuous gift.
I struggle lifting heavy things,
like weights or tools or mallet.
So it humbles me to see that forky-boy,
dominate and master the pallet.
I was in the warehouse aisle Yesterday,
and everything in my life seemed quite bleak.
Then in the distance I hear a sound approaching,
that beautiful familiar 'beep'.
A forklift was reversing,
I just closed my eyes and...
including that of a beefy forklift.
The way they skim around the place,
is a subtle and virtuous gift.
I struggle lifting heavy things,
like weights or tools or mallet.
So it humbles me to see that forky-boy,
dominate and master the pallet.
I was in the warehouse aisle Yesterday,
and everything in my life seemed quite bleak.
Then in the distance I hear a sound approaching,
that beautiful familiar 'beep'.
A forklift was reversing,
I just closed my eyes and...
#funny
246 reads
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
11th Aug 2020 8:16am
11th Aug 2020 8:16am
Rage Quit
I'm a huge fan of online games,
my favourite is Call of Duty.
I love to play with my friends all day,
give me that Warzone booty.
One thing I can't stand however,
is when I get camped by some noob.
It feels like the universe is being unfair,
like it's gone in dry without lube.
Some stupid little kid on the mic,
saying how I just got wrecked.
'Stupid little prick' I thought,
needs to learn some respect.
So off I went after him,
trying to knife him in the skull.
But he kept trashing me with the barret, ...
my favourite is Call of Duty.
I love to play with my friends all day,
give me that Warzone booty.
One thing I can't stand however,
is when I get camped by some noob.
It feels like the universe is being unfair,
like it's gone in dry without lube.
Some stupid little kid on the mic,
saying how I just got wrecked.
'Stupid little prick' I thought,
needs to learn some respect.
So off I went after him,
trying to knife him in the skull.
But he kept trashing me with the barret, ...
#anger
#frustration
295 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
5th Aug 2020 12:43pm
5th Aug 2020 12:43pm
Busted-up Bottom
I’ve got a busted-up bottom,
and I know I’ve only myself to blame.
When I ate that hot sauce last night,
I knew I was playing a dangerous game.
‘Carolina reaper’ chillies,
Blended with some other cocktail for heat.
It’s perforated my sphincter,
Looks like a popped balloon or shredded meat.
It was a lovely meal I’ve ruined;
A stunning parfait with guava.
Then I had to go and ruin it all,
now my ass is leaking lava.
It’s a steady stream of magma,
Molten brown mouse-texture.
Now my fresh white porcelain, ...
and I know I’ve only myself to blame.
When I ate that hot sauce last night,
I knew I was playing a dangerous game.
‘Carolina reaper’ chillies,
Blended with some other cocktail for heat.
It’s perforated my sphincter,
Looks like a popped balloon or shredded meat.
It was a lovely meal I’ve ruined;
A stunning parfait with guava.
Then I had to go and ruin it all,
now my ass is leaking lava.
It’s a steady stream of magma,
Molten brown mouse-texture.
Now my fresh white porcelain, ...
#funny
248 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
5th Aug 2020 8:58am
5th Aug 2020 8:58am
I voted for Brexit
#funny
281 reads
0 Comments
MISCELLANEOUS POEM
Published
4th Aug 2020 9:43am
4th Aug 2020 9:43am
How the f*** do you spell restaurant???
Many people are great at spelling,
they can spell big words but I can't.
I want to ask my girlfriend out for dinner,
but can't spell fucking resturant.
It's embarrassing over email,
more tragic over text.
If I ever learn to spell it,
dictionarey will be next.
I see the irony in not being able to spell it,
but don't you dare fucking laugh.
My spelling skills are lacking,
compared to my maths.
I keep calling them rezzies,
but that's just making it worse.
I can barely even write my own name,
my...
they can spell big words but I can't.
I want to ask my girlfriend out for dinner,
but can't spell fucking resturant.
It's embarrassing over email,
more tragic over text.
If I ever learn to spell it,
dictionarey will be next.
I see the irony in not being able to spell it,
but don't you dare fucking laugh.
My spelling skills are lacking,
compared to my maths.
I keep calling them rezzies,
but that's just making it worse.
I can barely even write my own name,
my...
#funny
324 reads
3 Comments
DU Poetry : Submissions by PooSmoothie69
