My KD Ratio is S**t

I love me some warzone,
get home from work to take that first hit.
As soon as I put that headset over my ears,
I just hear 'YOUR KD RATIO IS SHIT!'.

It's usually some little brat,
giving me a bunch of verbal.
A silly little twat,
pretending he smokes herbal.

I'm already fuming,
my patience is in bits.
So I move the mic close to my mouth,
and threaten to milk his mums tits.

He comes back to me immediately,
"You're like twelve - you're so fucking bad!"
I seize on the opportunity and retort -
"Yeah - twelve inches in your Dad".

For a moment I thought I had him,
for a second I thought I'd won.
Then the little shit mows me down on a quad bike,
bragging he didn't have to use his gun.

I feel the rage build in my chest,
I can feel my blood pressure rising.
I can see my face turning red in the reflection of the TV,
a fury not capable of disguising.

Then suddenly I'm invited to a group chat,
with a bunch of literal children laughing.
I tell them to shut it,
but they just carry on trashing.

But just then it came to me,
I knew exactly what to do.
I weeded out the youngest in their clan,
and accused him of eating poo.

This only fed their amusement,
and contributed to my embarrassment.
How annoying these children were - I thought,
how infuriating, cheeky and arrogant.

A light bulb appeared over my head,
a brand new fantastic idea.
Rather than put up with this crap,
I said "I have to go - diarrhoea".