Submissions by HeWhoIsFractured (He Who Is Fractured)

It hurts when you think you’re starting to be okay, and then the issues that caused the problem to begin with just springs up on you. It’s like, you’ve realized it, you’ve accepted it, and then wham. It’s a tidal wave that just washes over you and resonates in your brain. Strikes you down really hard really fast and you’re suddenly struggling all over again. You don’t want to feel it or think that way but sometimes it’s just totally out of control and unpredictable.

I can feel the sudden separation, it’s like being pulled backwards off your feet from where I’m standing. Initial...

I want to retreat into seclusion. The need to just close the door, lock it tight, and stay there is starting to grow. After some time of being on this thought train, I now question if I should just let go and be cold to the world. It would most assuredly hurt some people, maybe a lot in the long run. Most of them my friends. Am I willing to make that decision? Should I be selfish? What if I have regrets about not having those people around?

Some time later…

Being me is difficult. Being self aware makes it worse. Regularly, I think about how much of a burden I can be to...

Starting to recover from this episode of Detachment. Although I use the word recover lightly. What I am dreading is when I start to readjust back to reality. But what if I just stayed detached? I don’t like how I am constructed psychologically. My thoughts operate on their own volition, flooding me with either multiple subjects or it fixates on a singular point in my memory. It affects many aspects of my life. Professionally, socially, interpersonally. I can be a burden for people who want to be close to me, that’s probably what stings the most.

Doesn’t feel like this will last...

I am dissociative. It comes from my Bipolar disorder, anxiety, and what I believe to be some sort of trauma from my previous relationship. It lasted right at a year, we lived together for the majority of it. I was the primary provider for financial stability, household organization and cleanliness (including her), emotional support, and overall relationship security and progression through difficult times. I willingly put myself into that relationship and situation, believing it was the perfect opportunity to a) get laid and b) get into a relationship; within a month after dating, I can also...