Unrequited love

For Your Consideration

I was lost in between eternities,
When my emotion went unreturned,
I wrote verses and recited volumes,
Despondent that my love went unanswered,
When her attention was somewhere else.

And for centuries I composed,
I carefully chose every word sensibly written,
That my smitten lovesick life had been smote,
Still I wrote with a physical and spiritual passion,
Always in a lyrical fashion to get her to notice,
But her attention was somewhere else.

I was adrift in the vast expanse,
In an abyss of dismal tempests and storms
When my love went unrequited,
Not even the stars across the universe
Could predict such misery and heartbreak
Because her attention was somewhere else.

Still I wrote about my devotion,
Standing on top of a mountain of pages,
With lines and rhymes that went on forever,
Pledging my undying emotion
Until the very end,
Even if she never noticed me.

Then I discovered some letters,
That someone else had written me,
Inscribed with a such a deep feeling
I was awestruck by someone else’s words,
Then I saw,
They were written in a time now long gone,
Waiting and dying for me to notice,
But my attention had been somewhere else.

the last time

             
             
             
Vulnerable …              
             
exposed, as you hold me in your arms.              
             
My eyes trace your nakedness,              
             
searing your body into my memory bank.              
             
After sex is done, unwanted thoughts creep in.              
             
Never knowing if, or when I’ll be seeing you again,              
             
I always wonder if this will be the last time.              
             
Dispelling them, I choose to live in the moment.              
             
             
Tenuous is this situation.              
             
             
             
Your mantra,              
             
‘I want your sex, I like how you enjoy it, I don’t want feelings’              
             
is clear, there is no misunderstanding.              
             
I thought I could, but I can’t,              
             
I can’t … separate … my feelings.              
             
Each time I spiral deeper and deeper,              
             
continuing to see you ... because,              
             
‘something’ is better than ‘nothing’.              
             
             
Tenuous is this situation.              
             
             
             
Then …              
             
like a car crash, hope is smashed        
             
when you tell me you’ve met a kindred spirit.          
             
Serious consideration being given … to a relationship,              
             
yet you still desire me for sex.              
                       
My Soul screams out, begging not to be destroyed.              
             
From somewhere deep inside I find hidden strength,              
             
‘No more’ I say, walking away.              
             
             
             
But, I leave a door open,              
             
hoping …              
             
hoping still, for so much more than you’ve ever given.              
             
Some would call me a fool,            
             
but ... I'm just a woman in love.              
             
             
Tenuous is my situation              
             
 

 

© Kate Adams March 2016

Just click on his name, and it'll bring you to his profile! :-)

Unrequited

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I don't hope or dream for a lot.
For someone like me, dreams are just that...
dreams.

There are moments when I'd fantasize about you and I, but they are also just that... Fantasies.  

You kiss me.
Even though we are both men, you dare to kiss me
as you would kiss a girl;

your girl.  

We find secret crevices within the walls of our school to fulfill our desires,

yet mine can never be met.  

When you touch me, I feel like I'm floating.  My heart hammers in my chest as if it would pop out of my mouth any minute.

You strip me bare of my clothes
Behinds closed doors,

to satify your curiosity.  I know all this, but I allow this to happen time and time again.  

I cry out your name as we become one; your name being a small prayer that one day you'd come to notice what I am,
what I feel
how much you mean to me.

I know it's hopless but the more our lips connected,
even if it's just as empty as the room we find, I still wanted to think you meant it.

The pain I feel has left a lump in my throat the size of a baseball.

You smile in such a manner at your girlfriends,
but with those deceiving lips, you spread kisses on my body; Hickey and nips.
The fingers you use to swipe her hair from her face,
have reached inside the depths of me that no one has ever touched.  

Freshman year.
Sophomore Year.
Junior year.
Senior Year.

They have all come to pass.

Different feminine faces
different perfume cases,

yet I'm still by your side smelling of desperation
and unrequited emotion.
I shamelessly laugh along
The girls that think you are theirs, fully knowing that you belong to no one.  

As we graduate and about to move on...
I had planned to finally reveal to you how I feel.
After all, why would you have kept me so long?
So many girls, yet I was the only one you kept coming back to.  

Before I can say anything, you smile and say... the thing of my nightmares.  

"She's pregnant."

My unspoken words dying on my lips.

They drop to the pit of my stomach like bricks
----- I momentarily forget how to breathe . I refused to cry because I knew it was hopeless all along.

I can not give you what she can. I can't bare a family. Yet, I've never wished to be born a female.  

I'm glad to be born a man.  

So like the I man I am,  I smile congratulating you.  

As you walk out of my sight and the years of memories I held,
these emotions fell out of me in the form of agonizing tears. Tears that you will never see;
just like the love you had never noticed.  

Maybe it's for the best.
Then again, you've never looked behind you.  
For you'd have seen me standing there always trying to reach out to you with all my might.  

But... Here I am looking at your  back for the final time.
Even though, I've grown used to it, it hurts much more today;

because today...  is the day that I have finally realized...

You'll never be mine

I absolutely LOVE this!!!