Self

Me, Myself & I


little
tit bits
of every
available
thing - all
rolled
into
one
big
mess

loving
the loss
of the oasis
in search
of the
vision
of
truth

[x]

Please ... Thank You
 
He was reading from the book his father had sent him ...  
 
"The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly."  
 
Who was he to lecture me about what I'd done.  
 
He was the one in jail, hell I didn't even get caught  
 
not really  
 
I just got greedy and careless  
Leaving the new Matchbox cars and pink Spauldings I'd boosted from Woolworth where my mother could find them  
 
I was gonna sell it all at school on Monday ...  
 
but this was prison Sunday  
 
And my father's tired sallow eyes were begging his man child to take heed  
 
for the vernacular of the condemned was no different from those who walked in the sun  
 
He asked the guard "Please"  
to have permission for my baby sister and I to sit in his lap  
on the inmate side of the table  
 
but the privilege would not end with a simple "thank you" ...  
 
It meant daddy owed  
 
Owing meant breaking those who wouldn't heed the screws' rules  
 
And daddy was built for it, carved from Carolina oak  
 
I often thought he only scolded me because he thought I was soft  
 
a punk  
 
a pussy  
 
that wouldn't be able to handle  
 
the life  
 
I watched the deconstruction of his mind and soul many a Sunday  
 
not understanding he'd traded my rightful place so I might walk in innocence  
 
when he was home  
He'd beat my mother  
 
And I wished him dead  
Revoking his trade  
 
ending his agony  
And mine  
 
true to his word  
he let himself be taken  
in a hailstorm of fire in steel  
 
So I try to stay true to what he said  
On those Sundays sitting in his lap  
 
Always saying  
 
"Please" and  
"Thank You"  
 
while living  
 
A life  
 
not  
 
the life

the idiot method
need a bath
need to shave
need a shove
need a body
i want to bury
no i choose to let it rot
i want to smell
in order the pigs will come they come i cut them down
now their trophies
now i'm smiling
?
he he hehe

Let me drink this last glass of wine

Hopefully I'll be tired after, so I won't be able to think

I wish I could learn to let it all go
Like the rain

I hate you
Wash me-- all gone

Washington

"Every Eden Has It's Apples"

Every morning when I wake up I want to leave this nowhere town
I figure somewhere else is better 'cos here I'm always down
Every time I taste paradise and think I'm finally in
The temptations I give in to drive me out again

Everyday I try to escape from this cold reality
I keep running from my bills and this poverty
Every night I look for someone, besides me, that I can blame
No matter where I go, it'll always be the same

I'll never change my fate no matter who I pretend to be
And the only alternative is if I was never me
Even if I shaved my face and went by a different name
No matter what my guise, I'll always be the same


(jj johnson)

"Uncertain to Me "

I live for a dream that is holding me back
Been climbin’ over rocks rollin’ over my tracks
I feel like I’m crawling up a hill to nowhere
I look to the past and see that nothing’s there

Whoever I am is uncertain to me
Alone I will be a complete mystery
Wherever I go ain’t on anyone’s map
It’s no small wonder my lives don’t overlap

I’m travelin’ a fine line fear only knows
Darkness emits shadows wherever it goes
A sparse row of fools have been where I tread
Taking refuge that none see the life I’ve led

A silent voice in my head asks who I am
His sly interrogation rebuilds the dam
Free my mind, I don’t like the likes of you
Sullied windows are uneasy to see through

The auction was held though my soul went unsold
In the books of my life a playwright has told
But nothing you read will expose the lies
One more lost poet pens regret till he dies


(jj johnson)

G o n e

Convoluted Self-Deceptions Never Deserve Ornate Metaphors

My proclivity for shoving metal  
ink into my sheer veneer of armor  
a mere distraction from self-esteem  
smaller  
than the lumps of sugar  
donning the chest  
of this obvious attention whore  
 
 
and I can scream that from the rooftops  
 
 
My compulsive predilection  
to  
be wanted  
needed by older  
emotionally unavailable men  
oozes boundary mismanagement  
projections of unrequited daddy issues
 
 
and I can shout that into a microphone
 
 
My obsession with chasing down  
bitter  
idealized romanticism  
by playing poetry charades  
one word at a time  
reeks of whiskey saturated  
nicotine stained  
cliches  
 
having no qualms portraying myself
alone, depressed, resentful
indignant, self-righteous
vulgar, victim, villain  
 


still  
that blinking cursor won't let me say it  
type those words  
that word  
that reticently slithers away  
melting shamefully off screen  
 
                           
 
                   vulnerable

What I’m Not
 
What I’m not
Is what you’ve got
With you I just pretend
I wear a mask
Of what you ask
And try not to offend

I play the part
I never fart
With you I just comply
I’ve been your dog
Your prince, your frog
Complete within the lie

I’m never bold
Do what I’m told
With you I’ve never fought
Not wild or free
You created me
And what you’ve got:

Is precisely what I’m not

Thank You sadgurl for giving this piece a nod ... This one I had to spill a lil blood for.  I'm.glad you saw it, felt it in the piece ...

Congrats rickE and thedarkmatter ... Stellar work by all ...

It's Sunday, so I'm gonna smoke a joint and do a shot for the ol' man

Salud