Why to Hold On

Another uplifting competition from Yours Truly, Lost Girl. Let's just say I'm enduring one of the most complicated times in life. Please don't make jokes; I need it very seriously. I thank you all so much. Love, Toni

"from here to that side of dawn"

i bet
you see a realist in your reflection
a girl that figures
she knows when she's beat
deciding whether or not
this is the time
weighing it carefully
because you see the finality
want to make sure
you're really finished with life

or you're tired
busted open
and is it really worth the work
to climb back up to the peak
you fell from

the high point
surely
has been and gone on this timeline
and maybe
there's some kind of do-over
in a different shape
on a different plane
another year in another hundred thousand days
or it could be just
rest
where you don't have to deal
with this mess
the impossible tangle of thoughts/words/concrete walls
none of this goddamned emotion that keeps you
paralyzed
at all
anymore

what if the hardest thing you can do
is hold on
but you do it anyway
for a while
just to see
and another while
after you have  
the beauty in the small joys
you would've never known
if you'd left the other day

what if your do-overs
roll over at every dawn
and what if
a smile is victory enough
for the first one

i bet
your hands are burning
i bet your eyes and chest are filled
with all the suffocating excess
of a house on fire

but never forget
when the very shirt
that shelters your shoulders in the cold
drags you further from your chance to breathe
you can drop everything else, girl
lose everything
but what makes you whole

remember

when darkness looms
like clouds on a distant horizon,
remember that light soon follows

take hold of a star
let it burn in your hand
searing memories of pain and gladness
into your very skin
let your eyes mist in hurt and
settle yourself in for the long night
but hold to that small glow
let it guide you
from the shadows

we are dreamers and lovers
of fantastical places and smiles
cling to them like a lifeline
even with your weak grip,
it will see you through
we love the stars too faithfully
just to cower in this darkness

 To sleep in blankets made from song    

There is someone
waiting to rock your dreams
in gently cradled arms
and whisper in their little ears
of all the beauty they could be

and by the strength of his suckled hopes
holding the strings of his loving heart
become the spring rains
on desert plains
a whisper soothing on sleepless nights

while his nuzzling nose
hums hymns of gentle rest
until your lashes kissed
and bid the night farewell

don't leave him
to shred his hands
on shattered shards
piecing together hopeless wishes
of lives lived
and futures born

let him dream the dark away
to wake to golden walls
breathing ever living life
into a hopeful love
and let your home
become its holy shrine



bleurgh... Reading that probably gave you diabetes

Darling You'll be okay,
Darling I know things May seem Fucked up,
and Life is one Big Game,
You can't win and You can't Lose,
Darling it'll be okay,
I know im not in your Shoes,
But Darling we all have something to lose,
Darling your gonna be okay,
Your Not gonna die today,
Today isn't the Day you end your Life,
No,
Everything's Gonna be Alright,
Because Darling You've Gotta Fight,
Darling everything's gonna be Okay,
Just Lay your Head down, and Sleep until the Next Day..
Darling your gonna be okay..

Fold your demons up bleeding
and drink to devour all they
choose to gain defeat on you
they only wish to gain a chase
and grasp of your fluid and
wishes so preempt that by
being kind to strangers I
refuse to believe you would
not trust my true words of
honor as sanity is ripped
from your Time's membrain
so remember to be here now
for there is no place else but
to be you =

###

I would say to you,  DON`T,  TONI , please dont

It happened to me,that I missed a friend
Not only a friend,a companion,a lover,a loved one
I can easily say,my heart broke into pieces
At that very moment,when I got the news
That he had committed suicide
And I have never ever gotten used to
the fact

That he had left this earth and place
I still love him
(even though I found new love)
But noone will ever be like HIM


Love never dies,but bleeds
Its ME  talking Toni
Here is my poem about him anyways


YOUR SOUL
---------------------

Your soul walked through mine this night
Hesitant steps on the pavement
I am watching from the window
Gazing through the dim light
I hear your voice that says
Fare well, good night

It is of a tale I am reminded
When endless days euphorically blinded
By an overcasting sun
Like a child I would run

Diamond days and Opal night
As my dragon heart was found
By blooming love unbound
Suddenly a silence without sound

I saw the sea in your eyes
I heard the meaning of knowing
That the stream of things
Is forever flowing

United and entwined we became
As I lay at your feet, tame
Like wax waning slow, on
The wings of a dove, Love

You were a broken bird
Sometimes the flame died in your eyes
Broken pieces of scars made you hurt
Now I hear your crumbled cries

Once you met an angel
But he did not wear a crown of thorns
Once you tasted escape
Poison took you in its dark cape

First it showed you its trick
Until the flying times were over
The powder made you sick
Still it had you in its claws

You came to learn to lie
I saw through the key hole
You told me you would die
Your mortal soul, whole

Your veins are dust
Angel dust they say
I know it was emptiness
That took you away

You made your final flight
The broken bird dropped from the 14th floor
Out goes the light
You are, no more

Fare thee well
my love
Good
Night

There's a brighter side coming
Bask in the sheer blessings that
You don't see on the horizon
Hope for today
Live in the moment
Fight through
Pain
Hurt
Disappointment  
Fright
Misunderstanding and
Forge on
Second by second
Minute by minute
Hour by hour
Day by day
Morning by morning
Night by night
You can make it
You can make it
Oh yes
I believe
You can make it

I wish I could take your sorrow away
Share your pain and find the right words to say,
Dealing with life sometimes we don’t know what to do.
But you’re not alone, I’m right here with you.
Don’t lose faith… don’t throw it all away.
There’s always hope with each new day.
I’ve been at that point where burdens make you want to live no more.
It’s then that you have to remember that there’s always something worth fighting for.
I won’t lie and say I know exactly what you’re going through.
But, you’ll be okay, I see the strength in you.

There is so much you know that your life is about
And there is much more you think that you cant live without
Your faith is the cornerstone of much more to come
Don't throw it away because you feel its time to succumb
We struggle and battle and we cant always win
But every new day is another chance to begin
Life is not always a basket of roses
but look outside yourself and give others purposes
Once we look outward and stop looking within
Its easier to deal with the situations we are in
Others have problems and they stay alive
It might give you the reason you need to survive

tossed aside freely
unappreciated gift
ignore the wrapping
don't glorify the labels
incomparable footprints