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Poetry competition CLOSED 2nd October 2014 5:48pm
WINNER
jemac
jemac
RUNNERS-UP:
Grace
and sektioN8ty
House For Sale
Poetry Contest Description
It's all about location, location, location, and apparently, your neighbor is an asshole.....
http://i425.photobucket.com/albums/pp333/LisaM0214/forsalesign_zps00d144bb.jpeg
So tell me in a poem, why your neighbors are such assholes, that you have to sell your house to get away from them. Are they slobs? Do they make too much noise? Is it because they have a coven of rotten hoodlum kids? Are they a bunch of prejudiced Archie Bunker's, or are they just plain weird? Why do they get under your skin?
Any style, length, poems, unlimited entries, no collabs, one week.
Go!
So tell me in a poem, why your neighbors are such assholes, that you have to sell your house to get away from them. Are they slobs? Do they make too much noise? Is it because they have a coven of rotten hoodlum kids? Are they a bunch of prejudiced Archie Bunker's, or are they just plain weird? Why do they get under your skin?
Any style, length, poems, unlimited entries, no collabs, one week.
Go!
I am moving out my naighbor is strange why you ask ? will here I will tell you so ...
It all started a month ago at first I was so happy to have this home the inside is beautiful and the back yard is big I thought it would be the best place to raise kids.
At the time no one lived next door then one day a this guy moves in next door. He was always screaming about something at first it was funny than after a while strange things start happing .
About two weeks after he moved in he started buying a lot of farm animals which I found strange.
He got goats and sheep but only one of each I thought to my self maby he likes those things .
Late one night my boyfriend wakes me up and tells me to look out side .
There is a bunch of people next door I thought maby it was a party or something no big deal I went back to sleep and told my boyfriend to stop spying on people.
I woke up the next day and found used condoms all over my fence I thought the party probly got out of hand no big deal just nasty I must say.
I went next door and told my naighbor to remove them he did with out a single complant and told me he was sorry and it would never happen again .
Weeks and weeks go by and me and my boyfriend start to notice he has goten even more farm animals.
Strange that he owned a cow now in a nice naborhood like this and some pigs no less and some chickes to top it off which I thought was very odd.
Again one night the guy next door has another party this time the cow is mooing so loued at 12 at night so I wake up and I go out side to tell the guy to quiet down .
I see something I never want to see again it scarred me for the rest of my life so it seems .
It was my naighbor fucking a cow and to what looked like the friends of his fucking the animals in the house!
I start to vomit all over the ground I ran home and told my boyfriend to call the cops now .
The cops came they vomited too they took who they thought was my naighbor and put him in jail.
My naighbor still has those parties but not as meany people come he says.
I refused to go out and a month later I sold my house and moved out of town.
I found out something I never wanted to know my naighbor is a animal fucker and those condoms I know now were from all the animals him and his friends fucked late at night .
And this will allways forever haunt me for the rest of my life !
It all started a month ago at first I was so happy to have this home the inside is beautiful and the back yard is big I thought it would be the best place to raise kids.
At the time no one lived next door then one day a this guy moves in next door. He was always screaming about something at first it was funny than after a while strange things start happing .
About two weeks after he moved in he started buying a lot of farm animals which I found strange.
He got goats and sheep but only one of each I thought to my self maby he likes those things .
Late one night my boyfriend wakes me up and tells me to look out side .
There is a bunch of people next door I thought maby it was a party or something no big deal I went back to sleep and told my boyfriend to stop spying on people.
I woke up the next day and found used condoms all over my fence I thought the party probly got out of hand no big deal just nasty I must say.
I went next door and told my naighbor to remove them he did with out a single complant and told me he was sorry and it would never happen again .
Weeks and weeks go by and me and my boyfriend start to notice he has goten even more farm animals.
Strange that he owned a cow now in a nice naborhood like this and some pigs no less and some chickes to top it off which I thought was very odd.
Again one night the guy next door has another party this time the cow is mooing so loued at 12 at night so I wake up and I go out side to tell the guy to quiet down .
I see something I never want to see again it scarred me for the rest of my life so it seems .
It was my naighbor fucking a cow and to what looked like the friends of his fucking the animals in the house!
I start to vomit all over the ground I ran home and told my boyfriend to call the cops now .
The cops came they vomited too they took who they thought was my naighbor and put him in jail.
My naighbor still has those parties but not as meany people come he says.
I refused to go out and a month later I sold my house and moved out of town.
I found out something I never wanted to know my naighbor is a animal fucker and those condoms I know now were from all the animals him and his friends fucked late at night .
And this will allways forever haunt me for the rest of my life !
Anonymous
Naybors und da qwackin' duckz
My naybors r fytin'
und phuckin' awl da tyme.
Dat sheet keaps my dawgs upp
barkin' and howlin'.
Da ducks getting tew quackin' tew.
Dat sheets obnocktious
Sew eye'm movin' inn wit Cody.
She doez'nt fyte.
Well nawt tew much.
Butt she phuckz a lott.
Eye hope her ducks don't qwack.
Eye wuld have a flashbakk on da crack.
Dat ain't pritty.
Especiallee if eye'm movin'.
My naybors r fytin'
und phuckin' awl da tyme.
Dat sheet keaps my dawgs upp
barkin' and howlin'.
Da ducks getting tew quackin' tew.
Dat sheets obnocktious
Sew eye'm movin' inn wit Cody.
She doez'nt fyte.
Well nawt tew much.
Butt she phuckz a lott.
Eye hope her ducks don't qwack.
Eye wuld have a flashbakk on da crack.
Dat ain't pritty.
Especiallee if eye'm movin'.
Get lost or die tryin'
can't stand it no more
these thug life neighbors
poundin' on the door fo tea bags
and jam rags n toilet roll
"hey, can I use ur fone
bitch ass momma done left us alone
pops doin' time
fo cappin' some ho in the hood
crazy mo fo
yo! can you hook up my bro with some rocks"
just ..no
you know you're white right?
ps. I'm not sure that sign is grammatically correct/ I don't think you're setting a great example ..fo shame, Doc ..fo shame
can't stand it no more
these thug life neighbors
poundin' on the door fo tea bags
and jam rags n toilet roll
"hey, can I use ur fone
bitch ass momma done left us alone
pops doin' time
fo cappin' some ho in the hood
crazy mo fo
yo! can you hook up my bro with some rocks"
just ..no
you know you're white right?
ps. I'm not sure that sign is grammatically correct/ I don't think you're setting a great example ..fo shame, Doc ..fo shame
As a homeowner on this deadend street
I expected to live comfortably
Until Joe Schmo from Idaho moved in next door after me
and destroy everything
from the stealing of my Sunday papers,
to the dog barking all hours of the day and night,
to shining the sensored spot lights directly in my bedroom window, to frap parties every weekend and the trash all thrown on my lawn, to knocking on my door at 5am drunk asking to borrow a spoon,
to the loud music vibrating my walls at 1am waking everyone up,
to peeking over my fence during family cookouts checking out my mom
I'm so fed up
Enough is Enough
To the point my hairs falling out
There disgusting and rude
They go threw my garbage nude
So the damn sign had to go up today
If not I'll be on the 48 hours- Dead End Street Brawl
I expected to live comfortably
Until Joe Schmo from Idaho moved in next door after me
and destroy everything
from the stealing of my Sunday papers,
to the dog barking all hours of the day and night,
to shining the sensored spot lights directly in my bedroom window, to frap parties every weekend and the trash all thrown on my lawn, to knocking on my door at 5am drunk asking to borrow a spoon,
to the loud music vibrating my walls at 1am waking everyone up,
to peeking over my fence during family cookouts checking out my mom
I'm so fed up
Enough is Enough
To the point my hairs falling out
There disgusting and rude
They go threw my garbage nude
So the damn sign had to go up today
If not I'll be on the 48 hours- Dead End Street Brawl
Pristine Palace
Urgent Sale
Enquire within
to view
this castle
fit for a King
Four Bedrooms
all ent suite
and an entertainment
area that's
just too
sweet
I need out
in ultra-Hi-speed
So if you buy
I'll leave the
albums and pics
of the wives of the
neighbors
that I took
when they
peed.
-x-
Urgent Sale
Enquire within
to view
this castle
fit for a King
Four Bedrooms
all ent suite
and an entertainment
area that's
just too
sweet
I need out
in ultra-Hi-speed
So if you buy
I'll leave the
albums and pics
of the wives of the
neighbors
that I took
when they
peed.
-x-
Cheap as a drink
Curiosity kills the cat,
but I'd rather fall prey to my new neighbours weird activities,
than die in my anxious ignorance
This time,
they came back at
mid-night dressed like knights in thier usual undertakers outfit,
my eyes wandering through my drilled peephole
Holy crap! Cannibals....
They slit thier victim and rushed his flesh like hungry lions,
I held my screams in my fears,
frozen on the ladder,
then the kid amongst 'em pointed a sword at the peephole and passionately said
"you are next"
I didn't know when I disappeared with my family overseas.
The price tag was as cheap as an auction to a begger
"House for sale
Cheap as a drink
First come first served"
Curiosity kills the cat,
but I'd rather fall prey to my new neighbours weird activities,
than die in my anxious ignorance
This time,
they came back at
mid-night dressed like knights in thier usual undertakers outfit,
my eyes wandering through my drilled peephole
Holy crap! Cannibals....
They slit thier victim and rushed his flesh like hungry lions,
I held my screams in my fears,
frozen on the ladder,
then the kid amongst 'em pointed a sword at the peephole and passionately said
"you are next"
I didn't know when I disappeared with my family overseas.
The price tag was as cheap as an auction to a begger
"House for sale
Cheap as a drink
First come first served"
Anonymous
i just got rid of my nightmare neighbor - he was alas evicted, but what an adventure we had while he was here! I'll be back, ML
Moving Out
They are moving out today
the family of five
all sombre and grey
the people next door
I swear they are monsters
from outer space
a throwback of the movie
Mars Attack
she sings shrilly all day
to old songs by Cher
he rides the lawn mower
in his splotchy underwear
the children chase one another
holding dangerous weapons
screaming profanities
round and round their house
they decided to move
after I killed their dogs
and hung them on their clothesline
with a note that said...
the humans go next
signed Vito Corleone.
They are moving out today
the family of five
all sombre and grey
the people next door
I swear they are monsters
from outer space
a throwback of the movie
Mars Attack
she sings shrilly all day
to old songs by Cher
he rides the lawn mower
in his splotchy underwear
the children chase one another
holding dangerous weapons
screaming profanities
round and round their house
they decided to move
after I killed their dogs
and hung them on their clothesline
with a note that said...
the humans go next
signed Vito Corleone.
Moving.
Where to begin
Assholes without
Asshole within
Crazy neighbors who
Fight over who has more
Who has less
Always striving to outdo the best
Adding on to be bigger and better
The street gets flooded in inclement weather
The children play flashlight tag in my yard
Their parents want to cut a path through it too
So they won't have to walk so far
A lady who has more issues than I can count and is certifiably crazy
Having her institutionalized would not be hard
Occasionally has seizures and flops around her yard
She drives an old piece of shit
threatens to run the kids over with it
If by chance they get in her way
While they are walking or out at play
She thinks she can put curses on you
With her gibberish language
She studies voodoo
The gun club rests behind our homes in the wood
Used by the Wompanoag Indians,Cops and boys in the Route 130 Hood
They fight amongst themselves and with one another
They yell they scream
Peeling out of their driveways
I am convinced there is something in the water...
So happy I found a new place for my daughter
It got even worse when I put up the sign
They started coming by all curious and shit
I had to remove my guns before I completely lost it
One of my neighbors hacked apart my fruit tree
Came inside while my realtor was showing
Without asking me
She later confronted who is now my X
I hope you don't mind I spruced things up a bit
Yeah he said good thing you were away
When J showed up that day
For bear she was loaded
Pretty sure this is where her head exploded
You had no right to do
What you did
Without asking permission it was wise that you hid
What can i do to apologize,
Do you think she'll forgive?
Do you know where the branches are you cut away?
Cause you need to learn how to sew them on before she comes back today
She was trying to sell the tree
You did not leave much for her to work with
If I were you, I'd flee
It's so hard to be surrounded by so much stupidity
My house on the hill overlooked them
The perfect position for abject scrutiny
If they had only realized I had turrets hidden in my walls
Pretty sure they would not have fucked with me at all.
Where to begin
Assholes without
Asshole within
Crazy neighbors who
Fight over who has more
Who has less
Always striving to outdo the best
Adding on to be bigger and better
The street gets flooded in inclement weather
The children play flashlight tag in my yard
Their parents want to cut a path through it too
So they won't have to walk so far
A lady who has more issues than I can count and is certifiably crazy
Having her institutionalized would not be hard
Occasionally has seizures and flops around her yard
She drives an old piece of shit
threatens to run the kids over with it
If by chance they get in her way
While they are walking or out at play
She thinks she can put curses on you
With her gibberish language
She studies voodoo
The gun club rests behind our homes in the wood
Used by the Wompanoag Indians,Cops and boys in the Route 130 Hood
They fight amongst themselves and with one another
They yell they scream
Peeling out of their driveways
I am convinced there is something in the water...
So happy I found a new place for my daughter
It got even worse when I put up the sign
They started coming by all curious and shit
I had to remove my guns before I completely lost it
One of my neighbors hacked apart my fruit tree
Came inside while my realtor was showing
Without asking me
She later confronted who is now my X
I hope you don't mind I spruced things up a bit
Yeah he said good thing you were away
When J showed up that day
For bear she was loaded
Pretty sure this is where her head exploded
You had no right to do
What you did
Without asking permission it was wise that you hid
What can i do to apologize,
Do you think she'll forgive?
Do you know where the branches are you cut away?
Cause you need to learn how to sew them on before she comes back today
She was trying to sell the tree
You did not leave much for her to work with
If I were you, I'd flee
It's so hard to be surrounded by so much stupidity
My house on the hill overlooked them
The perfect position for abject scrutiny
If they had only realized I had turrets hidden in my walls
Pretty sure they would not have fucked with me at all.
