Betreyals

Well this on is about me betraying someone else....


I'm sorry.
  He touched my lips gently.
I didn't mean to.
  His mouth was on mine.
Please, dont make me tell you all.
  Our bodies are so close.
If i tell you then everything will be wrong.
  He slid his hand down my stomach.
"I want you to tell me everything, every detail and feeling" you said.
  His hand was in my pants.
I lost my voice as i told you about that day.
  My body gasped for more,
My eyes watered and you sighed.
  But my mind gasped for reality.
Tears fell as i wanted to scream.
  If there was anyway to bring back reality i wouldn't,
You said you were not mad.
  Not at this time,
I cried as i talked to you as calmly as i could,
  Not while i was drinking.
You didn't know how hard i was crying as i kept a steady voice.
  He moved his mouth down lower and started to make me forget.
There was so much i wanted to hold back but not from you,
  My body convulsed
But the way you made it sound i had to tell you all.
  When he was done,
I wish that i never had to even think about telling you that,
  We were done,
If i was smart i would have never done that.
  I hated him for that for making me feel like just a friend,
I'm so sorry,
  Then you handed me a drink and said to drink,
If there was ever another time,
  He should go away and never come back.
I would take it and let you know how much i love you still.
  F*** him.
I loved you.
 So Sorry... I can never make that clear enough

im so sry

that was to alma_oscura

OK HERE IS MINE

-Now and Forever-
I told you I would be there for you,
Now and forever.
You promised me that you would be there for me
Now and forever.

I told you everything,
Every aspect of my tiny insignificant life.
You stole my heart,
Then you poured acid on it.

You kiss him in front of me,
You flirt with me.
You give me false hope,
You are a whore.

How can you stand yourself?
Giving me false hope while kissing him.
You are a whore,
A whore I still wish to be with.

-Heartache-
You lied to me,
You played with my heart.
You said you hated him,
He treated you in evil ways.

Now you tell me it was all a lie,
He’s your boyfriend.
You stole my heart,
Then you crushed it.

You asked me why I didn’t trust you,
I said I did.
Big mistake,
Look where it got me.

I tried to keep you,
From hurting yourself.
Looks like you would,
Rather hurt me.

Do you know how much,
I loved you?
Do you have any fucking idea,
How hard I’m crying?

You say you don’t want,
Me no more.
You do what I don’t like,
So that I won’t talk to you.

You make my heartache,
You are squeezing my insides.
To a pulp,
From eleven and a half hours away.

I still love you after,
All this shit.
All this shit,
You have done to me.

You told me you hated,
Jerks.
So I was myself,
I respected you,
Cared for you,
Loved you,
Now you tell me I’m too nice.

I asked you to have,
A nice life.
You tell me you won’t,
What am I supposed to do?

You love playing with my emotions,
It causes me Heartache.

((Hurt So Bad))


Voluntarily I came
Just because I loved u so hard

Walked with twelve
Talked with twelve

Taught the twelve
So they could reach

At least twelve
But at twelve

I was betrayed
By my own brother

One who boldly said
I will die for you master

Yet instead what he did
Was give me a sweet kiss

Laced with poison
And I devoured it

He hurt me so bad
For a mere 30 dollars

And though I knew what would come
It didn’t make the pain any less great

Looked to my faithful
And saw fear resting in his eyes

Seen it in the sweat
That poured from his flesh

Then I heard it
The cock crow

Arrested for a crime
I never committed

But just like a true street soldier
I would never tell who was at fault

They tried to beat it out of me
Who is God they taunted

Blindfolded yet
I saw all so clear

Who spit upon you?
Since u are his son

I blocked it all out
The only words that I could hear

I swear I don’t know the man
As the cock crowed again

And though I had knew
Those words hurt

So much more then
The wounds that were inflicted

I did not cover my face
To stop the blows or the spit

I took it all even the disrespect
But my heart was growing weak

For a third time he said
I know him not and cause a scene

Those were the only words
The only pain that I took with me

I carried that cross up the path
But it wasn’t what it appeared to be

Instead of the burden of its weight
Something else was hurting me

I know him not I tell you
Was the heaviest burden

The final crow came
And my heart was completely broken

Nothing else could hurt me
Even as they drove in the nails

The pain could never equal
To the pain of his heart

I looked on the crowd
And saw a few weeping

I said don’t cry for me
Cry for you children

Making eye contact with peter
I simply held my head down

Forgiven my child you are
For you I lay upon this cross

You denied me three times
Yet I love u with no other choice

So I let go of the ghost
Knowing he hurt me so bad

((The Affects Of Love))

I took a while but finally I got the nerve to do this
After seeing you with that woman in my bed
How could I not walk away from this so-called

L-asting
O-bligated
Vessel
(of)
E-motion

I tried to push it under the rug
Like the time my phone rung
And she was moaning your name
Telling him to go deeper
Deeper??
Is that what you call it
What about how deep my love went?
What about the times I cried cause of you
The bids I did the court dates I sat thru
And she wants it deeper what’s deeper then that
At least that’s what I thought until you came home
All smiles smelling like Caress
As I read between the lines of it all
You defiled m lips with scents of her sex
And still I smiled reasoning he came home to me


The days I awoke without you lying next to me
Only a crinkled note that I had rolled over on
Stating that you needed to handle business today
And when I opened the top drawer for casual lingerie
I noticed three condoms gone from a fresh box
Knee deep in your business is what you were
But I took it all like a down chick that I am
Still washed your dirty draws
Took your lipstick stained Versace shirts to the cleaners
And cooked your favorite meal of steak and potatoes
Then patiently I awaited your arrival with you slippers
And your housecoat on the arm of the couch
And a milk and honey bubble bath awaiting
Not knowing that love would soon be as stale and cold
As that bath became when you yet again didn’t come home

But coming home from doing the house wife chores
Finding my panties hanging from her big toe
And you so deep within her calling her
By a name that I thought was mine alone
Thinking I held your special sugar bowl
And being the strong woman that I am
I didn’t pitch a fit nor did I go grab a knife
I walked outside jumped in the car you bought me
And drove off giving you time to pretend it didn’t happen
But when I came back home I knew I could not sleep
At least not in the same bed, room or house
That you disregarded my love for you in
I didn’t stop the car I rode right past it
As the tears fell along with my heart into loves abyss

But unlike you never being a man about your decisions
Maybe not the same hour but I picked up the phone and said


" I Love you Dough... but this is the end of our relationship
Thanks for the love and all the vacation trips
But Im going to be honest with you, within our relationship I slipped
And now my emotions got me going on this guilt trip bit
I can’t blame you, but I know you was doing your thang
I was looking for evidence to prove it but I couldn’t find anything..."

(Though I knew it was a lie
I never slipped I just wanted him to hurt as I did
So with tears streaming down my face I found the courage to say)

"I love you Dough... But this is Goodbye..."

The Also

Returning unexpectedly
I found a long dark hair
in the bedroom
an intruder
that wasn't mine or yours

You said
it must have been
carried in
upon the wind
and laughed at me
unconvincingly

But the smell of home
seemed not quite right
as you hurried quickly
to the trash
and however much
I wanted to believe
I could already feel
strange sharp claws
shredding ruthlessly
through the fabric
of my heart

You know I
would never share
our secret life
with anyone
yet instantly
I had become
hollow - an also
as if our souls were now
no longer exclusive
for each other
or special to you at all

And still the hopeless thought
that the fault
was somehow my own
blaming myself
because I never felt
our intruder approach
not once

Not for one moment
in all our loving
had I ever doubted your loyalty
until too late

the first raw twists of her knife

Delicious Agony

My heart sink in dark nights
when you enveloped in your arms
Caressing my hair, indulging
your senses into mine
but your betrayal is still howling within me
my  soul is frozen in deep pain
with senses all numb
awaiting for your touch to melt it down
the  sweet solitude sips my soul
singing melancholic melodies
soul still spears down heart  seeking
its redemption of  crucified love
engulfing spirit in an inescapable misery
your love for me evaporated leaving behind the rusted lust .

d e l e t e d

Ripping Off B etrayal

The bleeding heart rises from the
Cold graves of decayed love with an inferno in its soul
With serpent energy blowing up like tornado
Making it realize
That all relations are just a mirage in an oasis of love
The flesh shall pass away with
lust as the pit
Leaving behind the immortal soul
Which carries
essence of true love
divine forever.

I betray"

Why can't I sleep?
Is my continence speaking?
Is it because yet again I am picking up your pieces?
I know this is the second time I stole from her
But he was something she didn't deserved
Im not so sorry that I again have taken the one you love
And made him into something that belongs to me
Maybe I'm too flirty 
Or too kinky or too crazy

Is it wrong that I am trying to be a better girlfriend than you were?
I know we are friends and all 
But I'm sorry I cant help it
There's nothing I can do anymore
To tell you the truth you were the friend I adored most,
But now your gone and I've replaced  you
I again taken your boyfriend and made him fall for me
Now it's just me and him
Not you anymore
I wasn't jealous nor wanted to be a whore
But sometimes I can't help it
His hugs and smiles 
While you are gone in a school miles away
Made us closer day by day
Distant relationships don't last 
So don't worry I'll take care of him, it's not a hard task
Im so sorry your boyfriends always get jacked
By me and others 
But you don't know how to be a girlfriend 
Just a really good friend 
Anyways just wanted to say
You were the best friend I've had
And I'm sorry it will never be the same between us
And it will be no wonder
But it's okay I'll still remember you when I'm with your ex-lover

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    < my smart-ass girlfriend knows how naïve i am >

         "let's run across the stage necked"
          she says
     
         "ok"
          i say
     
          we take off our clothes
     
         "you first"
          she says...
     
             - - -

The Straw

She forced herself to
freeze
at that moment;
possibly
to keep her cool or
to keep from crumbling,
herself, as the earth
shifted
beneath leaden heels
which kept her anchored
as the world spun
and fell away

breathe, sweet one

as the bottom fell
from her broken heart
like a piñata at a party
hit once too often
it burst
at the cracks caused
by repetitive trauma;
the weight
of extreme emotion
gushing forth
that final blow
that final straw
that finally broke her heart