Poetry competition CLOSED 14th August 2024 00:46am
WINNER
Anonymous
Anonymous
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Your Dating Profile
MadameLavender
90
Joined 17th Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 5677
Guardian of Shadows
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Poetry Contest Description
Write your own dating profile
Co-hosting with Adagio on this one, we'll consult and decide a winner and runners-up.
Time frame: 3 weeks
What to write: write a profile about yourself that you would post on a dating website
Rules: No A.I., no profile generators, no collabs. Write whatever hits you--funny, serious, rhyme or not, 3 entries per person max. in case you can't decide who you want to be.
Knock yourselves out, have fun, see you in 3 weeks!
Time frame: 3 weeks
What to write: write a profile about yourself that you would post on a dating website
Rules: No A.I., no profile generators, no collabs. Write whatever hits you--funny, serious, rhyme or not, 3 entries per person max. in case you can't decide who you want to be.
Knock yourselves out, have fun, see you in 3 weeks!
Betty
25
Joined 8th May 2012
Forum Posts: 510
Tyrant of Words
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Properly Engaging with Dating Aps
Hinge Dating Profile
[DELETED]
Bumble Dating Profile
[DELETED]
Tinder Dating Profile
[DELETED]
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE THIS AP?
[Yes]
CAN YOU SHARE FEEDBACK AS TO WHY YOU ARE DELETING THIS AP
[I went to swim in the dating pool and realized it was a just puddle filled with pee]
Hinge Dating Profile
[DELETED]
Bumble Dating Profile
[DELETED]
Tinder Dating Profile
[DELETED]
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT TO DELETE THIS AP?
[Yes]
CAN YOU SHARE FEEDBACK AS TO WHY YOU ARE DELETING THIS AP
[I went to swim in the dating pool and realized it was a just puddle filled with pee]
ExercisingDemons
2
Joined 30th July 2014
Forum Posts: 32
Thought Provoker
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Forum Posts: 32
My Standard Dating Profile
Ten feet tall,
nothing on me is small
and my favorite season seems
to be Fall in
the Spring
and Winter in Summer
My city sprawled
I crawl into Escalades and Hummers
where my guitar stays strumming
to tunes of vast quantities of cash incoming
I'm the one God calls
when man leaves him flummoxed
I'm ambassador for all,
I'm Earth's stomach
I am gravity,
I am all that plummets
I reside where nothing once was
Mine is where the sun is
I'm big bang and what remains
when the universe is done with..
Silly scum, those who can't hang,
derelicts and bums
I am rain drop,
I am Earth
scorched too young
I am crashed train propped up
by it's own passengers
I am hand rail gum
I am loaded gun,
I'm bullet, I'm saint,
I push, I'm shunned
I am wind in tree, I am
fractured trunk and scattered leaves
I am attracted to forbidden apples
even though I grow fruit with ease
Ease of fresh soil, ease of plant, vibrant, green
I toil restless
never to know peace
I am air in lung
I like walks on the beach
nothing on me is small
and my favorite season seems
to be Fall in
the Spring
and Winter in Summer
My city sprawled
I crawl into Escalades and Hummers
where my guitar stays strumming
to tunes of vast quantities of cash incoming
I'm the one God calls
when man leaves him flummoxed
I'm ambassador for all,
I'm Earth's stomach
I am gravity,
I am all that plummets
I reside where nothing once was
Mine is where the sun is
I'm big bang and what remains
when the universe is done with..
Silly scum, those who can't hang,
derelicts and bums
I am rain drop,
I am Earth
scorched too young
I am crashed train propped up
by it's own passengers
I am hand rail gum
I am loaded gun,
I'm bullet, I'm saint,
I push, I'm shunned
I am wind in tree, I am
fractured trunk and scattered leaves
I am attracted to forbidden apples
even though I grow fruit with ease
Ease of fresh soil, ease of plant, vibrant, green
I toil restless
never to know peace
I am air in lung
I like walks on the beach
Written by ExercisingDemons
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MadameLavender
90
Joined 17th Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 5677
Guardian of Shadows
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Thanks for starting us off, Betty & E.D. ! Great stuff!
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<< post removed >>
adagio
4
Joined 15th Jan 2019
Forum Posts: 548
Tyrant of Words
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Forum Posts: 548
Thank you for entering.
adagio
4
Joined 15th Jan 2019
Forum Posts: 548
Tyrant of Words
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Dating Profile
NAME: Psycho A. Naylis, AKA " Who was that masked man?"
AGE: Older than Moses socks
OCCUPATION: Dowser rod salesman moonlighting as Psychiatrist when wearing my narcissistic hat
PROFILE: Blue-eyed nudist, soothsayer, ex-leatherneck, book monger, and coffee shop
owner, dabbling in prose, and a Christian
WHAT I WANT IN A WOMAN: must enjoy pickleball and get soused while watching bowling, fishing for slugs, old-time religion with a nonvenomous snake, nudity is optional when shopping at Walmart
WHAT I DON'T WANT IN A WOMAN: a friggin' mother-in-law, BS, Neanderthal, burnt toast, tattoos, mustache, size 11 EEE wide cold feet, crabs, worms or other assorted varmints
INTEREST AND HOBBIES: sarcasm, collecting periwinkle hats, getting stuck in Lodi again, screaming in tongue, following ant caravans
WHAT I WILL BRING TO A RELATIONSHIP: overnight bag, Polident, TV remote, Preparation H, coffee filters, scurvy, my pet Armadillo, toenail fungus
FAVORITE BOOKS
Cross Word Puzzles Made Simple
Checkers for Dummies
Raising a Pet Rock
Me and My Amoeba Ego
Engine Repair for1946 Studebaker
Cheating the Rorschach Test
Poetry for Embecles
Eating my Crayons
Lost in Gotham in My Johnny Gown
Blow Drying the Hair on Your Knuckles
Mollocks Have Feelings Too
DUP Emmy Winners and Losers (Chasing Turnips and Shadows)
Putting a Hat on Brussels Sprout (Chasing Turnips and Shadows - Part 2)
Do Your Clothes Hangers Talk To You? (Chasing Turnips and Shadows - Part 3)
FAVORITE ACTOR:
Peewee Herman
Mr.Greenjeans
Homer Simpson
Sylvester Cat
Yosemite Sam
FAVORITE SONGS
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E, Mickey Mouse
Does Your Chewing Gum Stick On The Bedpost Overnight
The Purple People Eater
I Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates
AGE: Older than Moses socks
OCCUPATION: Dowser rod salesman moonlighting as Psychiatrist when wearing my narcissistic hat
PROFILE: Blue-eyed nudist, soothsayer, ex-leatherneck, book monger, and coffee shop
owner, dabbling in prose, and a Christian
WHAT I WANT IN A WOMAN: must enjoy pickleball and get soused while watching bowling, fishing for slugs, old-time religion with a nonvenomous snake, nudity is optional when shopping at Walmart
WHAT I DON'T WANT IN A WOMAN: a friggin' mother-in-law, BS, Neanderthal, burnt toast, tattoos, mustache, size 11 EEE wide cold feet, crabs, worms or other assorted varmints
INTEREST AND HOBBIES: sarcasm, collecting periwinkle hats, getting stuck in Lodi again, screaming in tongue, following ant caravans
WHAT I WILL BRING TO A RELATIONSHIP: overnight bag, Polident, TV remote, Preparation H, coffee filters, scurvy, my pet Armadillo, toenail fungus
FAVORITE BOOKS
Cross Word Puzzles Made Simple
Checkers for Dummies
Raising a Pet Rock
Me and My Amoeba Ego
Engine Repair for1946 Studebaker
Cheating the Rorschach Test
Poetry for Embecles
Eating my Crayons
Lost in Gotham in My Johnny Gown
Blow Drying the Hair on Your Knuckles
Mollocks Have Feelings Too
DUP Emmy Winners and Losers (Chasing Turnips and Shadows)
Putting a Hat on Brussels Sprout (Chasing Turnips and Shadows - Part 2)
Do Your Clothes Hangers Talk To You? (Chasing Turnips and Shadows - Part 3)
FAVORITE ACTOR:
Peewee Herman
Mr.Greenjeans
Homer Simpson
Sylvester Cat
Yosemite Sam
FAVORITE SONGS
M-I-C-K-E-Y M-O-U-S-E, Mickey Mouse
Does Your Chewing Gum Stick On The Bedpost Overnight
The Purple People Eater
I Got a Brand New Pair of Roller Skates
Written by adagio
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Not for competition
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Related submission no longer exists.
EveAteRedApples
Joined 11th Sep 2012
Forum Posts: 102
Thought Provoker
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Forum Posts: 102
Please swipe left
Let's start with the obvious
I'm a walking red flag
I'm not hot enough to be
this high up on the crazy scale
but I really hate to disappoint
unless you're expecting daily blow jobs
and then I really will disappoint
I prefer cunts to cocks
but I'll fuck anything if it's pretty enough
including your car
I have vague morals
so don't be surprised if I dine and dash
on our first date
fuck all and every capitalist corporation
I'm both intelligent and formally uneducated
if you wave a fancy degree at me
it will only get me wet
if you're an IT or English Lit nerd
Bitcoin aficionado's need not apply
or anyone who would suck a cock for an iPhone
I'm android all the way
None of it fucking matters anyway
I'm already bored
and odds are I can get myself off
better than you can
You're better off swiping left
I really hope you do
I'm a walking red flag
I'm not hot enough to be
this high up on the crazy scale
but I really hate to disappoint
unless you're expecting daily blow jobs
and then I really will disappoint
I prefer cunts to cocks
but I'll fuck anything if it's pretty enough
including your car
I have vague morals
so don't be surprised if I dine and dash
on our first date
fuck all and every capitalist corporation
I'm both intelligent and formally uneducated
if you wave a fancy degree at me
it will only get me wet
if you're an IT or English Lit nerd
Bitcoin aficionado's need not apply
or anyone who would suck a cock for an iPhone
I'm android all the way
None of it fucking matters anyway
I'm already bored
and odds are I can get myself off
better than you can
You're better off swiping left
I really hope you do
Written by EveAteRedApples
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MadameLavender
90
Joined 17th Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 5677
Guardian of Shadows
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Great entries everyone!
Noble_Incubus
3
Joined 28th Jan 2016
Forum Posts: 255
Thought Provoker
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Swipe Right Twice (competition entry)
Swipe Right Twice
About us: the picture enclosed is my wife and I,
We’ll give anything legal, a red hot try,
We don’t judge beliefs, wants, or vice.
If that interests you: swipe right twice.
Interests: male, female, bi, straight or gay,
My wife and I swing both ways,
I we think you are cute, and interesting,
We are open to a casual fling.
Seeking: a couple, or two, with similar tastes,
With no preference for age, gender or race,
We want people who embrace all of life,
Whether a museum tour, or roller coaster ride,
We are looking for that broad outlook,
Of those who appreciate a good book,
And also dance naked in moonlight,
In a wild orgy that lasts all night.
We want those who appreciate the finer things,
Like classical music, and the sport of kings,
But also enjoy the crude or base,
Typical of unsophisticated tastes.
We desire those willing to commit,
To becoming our friends with benefits.
Special: singles may apply, but don’t forget,
We go together, like a matching set,
There’s no: one on one, no exclusivity,
We’re a package deal of perversity,
If that sounds like your kind of vice,
All you have to do is swipe right twice.
About us: the picture enclosed is my wife and I,
We’ll give anything legal, a red hot try,
We don’t judge beliefs, wants, or vice.
If that interests you: swipe right twice.
Interests: male, female, bi, straight or gay,
My wife and I swing both ways,
I we think you are cute, and interesting,
We are open to a casual fling.
Seeking: a couple, or two, with similar tastes,
With no preference for age, gender or race,
We want people who embrace all of life,
Whether a museum tour, or roller coaster ride,
We are looking for that broad outlook,
Of those who appreciate a good book,
And also dance naked in moonlight,
In a wild orgy that lasts all night.
We want those who appreciate the finer things,
Like classical music, and the sport of kings,
But also enjoy the crude or base,
Typical of unsophisticated tastes.
We desire those willing to commit,
To becoming our friends with benefits.
Special: singles may apply, but don’t forget,
We go together, like a matching set,
There’s no: one on one, no exclusivity,
We’re a package deal of perversity,
If that sounds like your kind of vice,
All you have to do is swipe right twice.
Written by Noble_Incubus
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adagio
4
Joined 15th Jan 2019
Forum Posts: 548
Tyrant of Words
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Forum Posts: 548
Thank you for entering
PAR
PAULO ACACIO RAMOS
18
Joined 26th May 2022
Forum Posts: 262
PAULO ACACIO RAMOS
Fire of Insight
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MadameLavender
90
Joined 17th Feb 2013
Forum Posts: 5677
Guardian of Shadows
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Thanks for entering, PAR
Winter_Rose
Joined 1st Aug 2024
Forum Posts: 17
Lost Thinker
Forum Posts: 17
Deleted