Lost In The Dark

As I passed you by today
I looked at you
expecting a smile
you turned away
did not wave, nor say
hello or goodbye
as you usually do

I walked on silently
while you looked the other way
when I looked back
you were staring at me
with dislike in your eyes
they pierced me
like a thousand knives

I don’t know why
you turned away
I don’t know what
made you change so fast
I don’t know where
you got that stare
of ‘I don’t really care’

I don’t know when
I will know why
you don’t want
to be my friend
or how I can ever
touch your heart
again

I only know
I never stopped
loving you
as a friend
a confidante
a messenger or lover
I love you still…

Darkness

My alarm goes off signaling the start of my day.
I reach over to my bedside stand and take a cigarette out of my ashtray.
Light it up and begin smoking it not quite ready to get my aching bones out of bed.
 My girlfriend hates my smoking but what’s the point of being healthy when tomorrow you could be dead?
Every second you live is a second closer to death so I live it up the best I can.
I guess it’s time to get up and get ready to go see Ann.
She wants us to get together and to go work on our tan.
At least that’s what she has planned.

I crawl out of bed and drag my body to the bathroom to freshen up.
I brush my teeth, use mouthwash then rinse my mouth out using a cup.
I look at myself in the mirror and notice wrinkles starting to form underneath my tired eyes.
I swear I’ve been starting to get gray hairs ever since Ann convinced me to get baptized.

I make my way to the living room, put on my shoes and throw on a sweat shirt.
Ann texts me to grab her some tampons since she’s began her time of the month and needs one to insert.
The bitch is on her own for that, every time I buy her some she complains they are the wrong kind.
There are so many different brands and types, the ones she wants are always impossible to find.

I text back “sure babe” all the while coming up with an excuse on why I forgot.
A damsel in distress needing my help is my first thought.
 Whatever the reason, she will just have to buy it.
The worst she will do is complain and give me a light hit.
Nothing I’m not use too let me tell you.
I’m convinced one day her face will turn blue
from all the complaining she does about me.
If only she could allow me to be me and let me be.

I open the front door ready to get going to discover the sky to be gray and rain falling hard.
I pull my hood over my head with my soul feeling charred.
This is the third straight day of heavy rain, it’s about time for the sun to reappear.
It’s summer time, with good weather I could cook out and drink some ice-cold beer,
but with this rain and overall shitty weather, that kind of fun is impossible.
I guess if I put my mind over matter any dream can be made possible.
However, my hopes, dreams and ambitions have seemed to dry up.
All I’m able to do now is smoke cigarettes and drink heavily out of my painted cup.
Alcohol tastes good and is soothing to the soul,
But so is kicking back, relaxing and firing up a bowl.
Not looking for approval, it’s all I can do to keep myself sane.
I think I might be suffering from a slight chemical imbalance in my brain.
Time will tell, yes it will,
since times has a tendency to never stand still.

I begin my short walk to Ann’s house, a mere few blocks.
Certainly, not a task that will take much time off the clock.
The wind is howling and wiping around strong today.
The sky is becoming a darker and darker gray.

Fall is in the air; the leaves are chancing color and falling from the trees.
I could have sworn it was still summer with the outdoors swarming with mosquitos and bees.
I guess time flies when you’re not paying much attention to it.
I need to work on being more aware and becoming a bit more fit.

A couple blocks into my walk, now I pass by a Dollar General, the one Ann wants me to stop at.
She could use the exercise because if you ask me she’s getting a little fat.
Not being mean, just stating the truth.
She’s not quite as flexible as she was in her youth.
She would probably kill me if I said that to her.
(Go ahead bitch.)
Wait, what that wasn’t my thought I swear.
I might be beginning to lose my mind.
Maybe Ann is correct when she tells me I’m not doing so fine.

An old lady is leaving Dollar General and getting into her car.
I force a smile and say good day since I’m walking by and not too far.
She gives me a look of fear then quickly gets into her car.
Confused, I shake my head thinking “that was bizarre.”
Next, I walk by a stray cat that crouches low to the ground and hisses at me.
I walk a little too close to it as the cat attacks me and tries to bit me on the knee.
I kick at it and off it goes running away fast.
Everyone seems to be in a grumpy mood with this bad weather forecast.

I finally reach Ann’s house and make my way up to the front door.
I’m looking forward to getting out of this rain and in a warm bed with my lovely whore.
I knock on the door and wait for Ann to answer.
I knock again impatiently waiting since I’m filled with fire like Prancer.

I open the front door to find Tony mumbling to himself angrily.
He tells me he’s tired of all this rain and could jump off a balcony.
He tells me the past three days of heavy rain has him feeling a bit under the weather and not like himself.
I look outside and then back at him confused searching for intel.

The sun is shining bright today, like it has for the past three days and there isn’t a cloud to be found in the blue sky.
I’m very concerned for him; I will not lie.
I go to speak to him but stop as I begin to open my mouth.
I stare at him afraid to as much let out a cough.

I see him standing in the kitchen holding a sharp knife.
I’m afraid he might be in a fight for his life.
A dark shadow is standing behind him, holding him close and whispering into his ear.
I have no idea where this shadow came from or how it appeared,
but I have sensed it on Tony for a long time now and always pleaded with him to ask for help,
since he could never shake it and really never tried to on his own.

Tony turns around and looks at me, his eyes void of life and gray.
I sense chaos ravaging his body, mind and soul and urge him to pray.
He looks at me, emotionless not saying a word.
He’s holding the knife tight, I don’t dare try to interfere.

The shadow stares at me, his ears a bright red.
I’m overwhelming filled with dread.
The shadow raises his hand and waves to me
as Tony places the knife against his throat
and slits it violently without saying a word.
His lifeless body falls to the ground with a thud.

Blood pours out of his neck as I go to call 9-11…but freeze.
I’m so scared now I don’t dare to sneeze.
I see Tony spirit facing his demon, defeated.
He has become a victim of the demon; death was not to be cheated.
Tony’s spirit is badly scarred and looks like it’s been through a long war.
It appears he will be suffering for eternity now even more.

A man approaches Tony.
He wears a suit with dress shoes and has a long goatee.
A snake is wrapped around his shoulders.
Lucifer.
Lucifer is here in my house.
He looks at me and smiles.
I turn and run out of my house quickly racking up the miles.
I’m never stepping foot back inside the house.
I’ll have to share this decision with my mother and her spouse.
They need to know of the evil that lurks within,
An evil that I’m afraid has caused me to permanently lose my once cheerful grin.

Then the sky,
Bricked over
Interlocked,
And they fell upward toward it.

Your daughter and
My son
Sat upon wood boards
Hung from the sky by chain

Their legs kicked and
They swung
Toes not quite touching
Those cold clouds amongst

All unclear, haze
The shock left the mind fogg

When our children abandon
We, mother, father, scream gently

Those clouds form rain
And all plummets down,
-----------------------------------------------------------

Those whispered and promised words… I am never leaving.
I really began to believe them as I was looking into your
Eyes and was completely trusting you, but I began grieving
The loss of you as you were already walking out the door,
Without even looking back to say see you later or good-bye.
It is like seeing all the lights go out and I know that there is
Nothing I can do to get all of it back to the on switch. It is like
Watching everyone leave the party early to go home. The fizz,
Build up and fading was wearing me down. It is like you strike
Me in the heart where it hurts and bleeds the most because
The one person who I thought would love me endlessly did
Not want it anymore. Streaming tears spoke for closed jaws
Because there are no possible words to be said … only amid
The rising anger could there be a softly spoken I love you and
I miss you because although you really cut me deep you still
Possess my bloodstained heart within your waiting hand.
In the dark we could not catch every truth and every spill.