Society's Judgements

Whitewand6 said:                Eve

 
It whirred ... after lifetimes.

WOW!

'Noid



I’m annoyed but
Don’t really know why
But I do know. I’m here
Here where the para shoots less
More or less. Shoot…I’m falling
Falling out of this aero-plane
Plain & simple this is insane
They’re saying on my own
That I can’t maintain; saying
There’s a need to restrain
Adding that I need not complain
Stay medicated...live my life regulated
But nah, this is a may day and
I’m going down
For me, looks to be a NO win
The para medics they’re strapping me in
These jokers along with their frowns
Who in the hell are these clowns?
Strapping me down onto this gurney
Where the fuck is Bernie?
Where is she when I really need her?
Probably somewhere off with Marcos
Taking a secret meet with the Narc O’s
In a meet…clandestine
Got my cheese sipping fine wine
Conferring, a lot of referring
All of it about my condition
Flight planned for my rendition
Yeah, they got my blurred attention
Thinking they can send me off to Morocco
Bernie, Marcos and the Narc O’s
Conspiring with them medics. The doctors
Them lawyers; I got something for all y’all
Just wait ‘till I break my fall
Y’all just a bunch of wannabe rocket stars
Shooting in & out of them black shiny cars
Planning, preparing my next dose
Bernie, I should’ve left her..
Should’ve left her on the west coast
Back then thought I was a gracious host
‘tween me and her; she did the most
Now they giving me another cocktail
From air to sea I’m about to set sail
Perhaps next, I’ll ride the rail
Come back seeing y’all later
Shooting another tale. Any mail?
Conspiracy; y’all gonna fail
What the hell!!!  

O

O

O

o

Purple Train Driving Hippos    


The train
clatters on the tracks
travelling through my brain
made of candle wax

The driver is a hippo
he takes me where I wouldn't go
he's purple
with a funny glow  
reminding me of what I shouldn't know
winding , binding , inside coves  
igniting memory , lightning probes .

I am who I wasn't
and I was
what I am not
all I am is what you see
and the past should be forgot .

Don't taunt then bring
the gone into everything
anylising , scrutinising
none of it's worth realising
it's in the earth
so let it lie then
purple hippos
aren't for finding .  

har har minxter

I scare myself sometimes, because my thoughts are so diverse and abstract. Of purity and beauty, they mostly lack.

I fear my own soul, I fear my vanity. Not because of it's sporadic seether. I fear the Devil will say I have neither. That is, when I meet her.

I fear my own, little fantasy world, because it makes more sense than the one I live in. Even the sickly and the sad seem to grin.

I don't fear my sanity. It's beyond my desire, it's only good for constricts me from soaring higher. Here, you can have it. I want the psychosis and delusions and sick little habits.

I fear no authority, I was born a King, the gems of my crown peeled to thorn and I walk a shame. Forget my name, but remember thee! Messiah of the Fantasy world that is me!

im coming out. hard ont his one.

Imagining my funeral, I must admit it
excites me more than future weddings.
Nothing will change. My body delicately
pampered, soft as sin and wrapped in
Versace, Fendi or Prada. Admirers flocking
from far and wide; desperate for one last gaze.
Shielded by veils and silk handkerchiefs
they won't even realize it's they're greatest gift;
a role in my last display, although my image
thrives. Ambrosial breath on lovers' neck
and delicate fingertips forever etched.
Realizing your hearts will never again
beat with the fervor my touch ignited
You will weep.

I imagine my funeral and giggle, nearly forgetting Gods don't die.

  < somewhere between despair and dishes >
   

    "My mental illness was so convincingly real
     I had to write little notes and hide them
     everywhere just to remind myself."
     - Martha Darling
   
   
    the words come
    (somewhere between despair and washing dishes)
    something to do
    something to write about
    always in metaphor
    but always about it
    the center of self
    where no one
    no one matters
   
    drawn selfish
    drawn for a reason
    drawn to thin rooms
    these beds
    these births
    and only this
    and only an excuse
    and out of this
    this failure
    here it comes
    an edge
    a shiny little sharpness
    sharp enough to slit this life apart
    so gray at first
    then red with bitterness and blood
    just wait
    be patient now
    an edge
    a little something just for me
    that I
    will never let you see
   
            - - -

FHONG EQUIZOFRENIC, OR YOU ALL?

Whispered in my ears (don’t pay attention,
they are just naïve, stupid people,
Surrounded of mental slavery. You are not,
you are emancipated, keep on going
Don’t stop)

Strange feelings, un-removedable thoughts,
Well, I have many friends, I’m never alone did I tell you
My name? is weird but is fhong. Im not attractive,
or photogenic.

I have this littler friend one of the best inside my ear,
Big eyes like a frog He would give his life for me,
I would do the same.Always talks to me,
But when I ask he never respond,
Never comes out, he said he does not
Need to come out, because he know what’s
All about. We know that there’s a missed level,
we are In different dimension. But still.

I like my short California pants,
And my pink color cowboy hat,
I know I’m mental different,
Does that give you the right?
To discriminate me, and ignore me, and push me aside?

I smile a lot, and talk to everything,
And when they ask me for direction
I always give it wrong, so I can compensate,
With then and laugh like I’m in drugs.
I’m tired of seeing people coming
With white coat, I tell my littler friend to
Be quite, so they leave me alone,
Lying to me, telling me that is sugar pill,
And is not a placebo.
Knowing for a fact, that drugs lack my thoughts.
So I vomit,

Run to the park, with my pencil and notes,
Start writing a lot of things that are wrong,
Everybody get away from me, thinking that I am
A Freak and I only want them to let me be.
Nobody talks to me, they don’t dare, I don’t care.

I know I have a serious faces sometimes,
But I’m ok, I’m happy; I have the desire too,
Of have sex, like a mother in a convent.

I have this friend of mine, which I love so much,
I was so happy the first time we made love,
We did it, not shame everybody saw me, they were in front,
I talk, I ask, and I don’t receive respond,
Understanding me, that’s why I like her so much.
A reason to say why im all alone.

I’m a social maniac; they try to take my notes
Away from me one time, I ate most of them,
Because what I said was true but for them I was
Sick, and need it some help, but my friend was always telling
That they were the one that needed it to understand.
I have seen things, that would never scare me,
But if you see what I have seen, you’ll be the one freak.
I’m used to it. I have learned living with this,
hypocrisy, idiot-crazy,Ignorance and the rest of human been.

Whispered to my hears (what are you doing, don’t let nobody knows,
You are the way you are, you and me, you promised me, now you are talking about me,They are going call you equizofrenic again, shit up, f…zzzzz)

SENA

rayheinrich said:[quote-78631-Whitewand6]                Eve

 
It whirred ... after lifetimes.

WOW![/quote]


Honoured, dear sire.  

My Depression

[left][/left]Why must they think that?
That my life, my love, my feelings
Dont matter...

They have been corrupted.
Not unlike me,
Not unlike how I used to be...

They push and they pry,
But never get the answer.
The answer they seek is unreal.
Undeniably fake.

They hope that they can "help"
They say.
They dont know the truth.
Nothing, well... Almost nothing...
Actually can help.

When you open up,
Some get lost.
Others get angry and frustrated...

They dont really want the truth,
The twisted and vicious pain.
The truth about how...
All of my life, is really...
In vain...

Judge me not

Today, my beloved gweilo
told me I am as brown
as a de-husked coconut
I am a brown islander
what is my colour to you?
He thinks I am less
where my grey matters are
How do you know?
Do you have more than I do?
Do you have a big head
because you have a head?
Or a heady head
because you drank my rice-wine?
You beautiful specimen
Of a macho man
But just a man
You bleed
You feed
You grow old
and then you are dead...
just like all of us
in this island paradise.

                d e l e t e d